So I guess Gavin is also a hack

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I don't usually get lucky and catch such cute moments on video.

We are doing fine. I am sick - yuck! Bronwyn had an appointment today with the thrombosis team (blot clots). All is well there. Gavin had Grandma and Pops for a visit while I went to the hospital with the girl.

I have been feeling for the first time in almost a year that life is starting to get more normal and settle into a pattern. Part of me doesn't want to totally relax fearing what might pop up if I do. But the rational side of me is just so grateful to have some normalcy. Really normal is a privilege, a privilege I used to take for granted.

Grandma is the boss

Apparently Mommy is not quite the top boss. I discovered this the other day when having a "discussion" (argument) with my son. We had been outside and he came in reluctantly and started to make demands once indoors. Here is how it went.

me - Do you want water?

Gavin - I want izecream.

me - no.

Gavin - izecream.

me - no not now, maybe later when Dad gets home. You can have frozen yogurt now.

Gavin - (by now eating his frozen yogurt) izecream too.

me - not now.

Gavin - go freezer izecream.

me - no (still remarkable calm - as you can imagine)

Gavin - izecream NOW!

me - no. And you do not talk to your mom like that.

Gavin - Lemme talk to Gamma!

What are you going to do!

A big cheer for moms

The other day I received a complement from a friend who reads my blog. I don't want to embarrass her so I wont tell you that it was Shannon Lappin - oops! Shannon (well the cats out of the bag anyhow), said that reading my blog makes her feel normal. I understood that she meant that my life sounded like hers, not that her life sounded normal in comparison to mine.

I found this truly flattering. I guess this was so meaningful to me for two reasons. Number one - Shannon is one of the mom's I admire most and because I have a secret agenda in life (not just the blog). I think as mothers we spend to much time trying to live up to standards that are unachievable and unrealistic. I feel like we are fine until we have kids and then we expect ourselves to be perfect all the time.

Now I do understand that when it comes to raising children the stakes are high and that our children deserve the best parents possible. But do we really achieve this by being hard on ourselves or expecting perfection!

We all struggle with something. Some of us have children who always seem to be two steps ahead of us. (That is likely, as my mother likes to point out, because her grandchildren are much smarter than her kids were). Some of us gained huge amounts of weight after we had our babies. Some of us had a two year old who still had a bottle. Some of us have kids who watch way to much TV. Some mom's have a really hard time nursing their babies. Some of our kids are small or even worse talk late. All of these issues are things that can make us feel inadequate.

When you think of it though, most of these problems do not become serious issues. I don't think my parents were perfect and yet I seemed to turn out OK (alright enough of the backtalk). I think we need to all give ourselves a collective break. The important thing is that our kids learn values and that they learn to be people that give more to the world than they take.

If this blog has given me the chance to share my life with others and share my imperfections and struggles, and this is helpful to others, well - that is a good thing in my books.

So Hurray for Mom's everywhere - perfect or not!

Mozart was a hack...

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compared to my little musician. Ha just kidding. I'm not that delusional.

We are doing well - still working at getting the girl to sleep in her crib. Gavin and I took a break on the toilet training thing. Anyone who is willing to toilet train while a kid is on antibiotics is way braver than me.

I do wish it would stop snowing!

Something hit me

I was watching TV and saw yearbook photos of the students that were killed in Virginia. I then thought about the pictures I just posted. The families of the victims likely have albums full of the kind of pictures I just posted. What a tragedy!

I guess it shows us we need to love our children and our families while we can.

Some time outside

I am sooooo happy it is spring. I know we are getting bad weather tomorrow but it won't last! It is just so great to take the kids out and not have to bundle them so they can't move!

Don't you just start to have more energy and feel better when it is spring?

Just a quick note

I wanted to let everyone know that we are doing well. Bronwyn has been coughing tonight and sounds pretty congested. I am just hoping she doesn't get what her brother had. Cross our fingers. Other than that we are doing great.

The weather is finally improving and I had the kids outside for quite a while this afternoon. Yeah for spring.

I wanted to sit down and write a very thought provoking blog because I have so many ideas that are just swimming in my mind. There has been so much happen to us and to those we love in the last week or so and it has caused me to do a great deal of soul searching. But when it comes down to it I am not sure I can bottle my thoughts.

I just want to let our friends out there who may be struggling with sorrow, unfulfilled promises and setbacks in life to just know that we love you all.

Finally, I'd like to ask for special prayers for Quinn. I know God loves this little man and his family.

Wow what a week

It has been quite a busy week for us. Gavin wasn't feeling very well last Thursday and Friday - but then he seemed to perk up Saturday. So Mom and I started out with the kids for Estevan. We stopped in Swift Current and Gavin had a bad night again - bad fever and a lot of whining and complaining.

We carried on and on Sunday when we arrived in Estevan I called to see if there was a clinic at the hospital as I saw spots at the back of his throat. They directed me to the emergency room at 8 pm when a doctor was scheduled. He looked at Gavin and said is was just a cold.

That night Gavin was no better - high fever and much complaining. The next day (the day of Grandpa's funeral) he did OK, but he definitely wasn't himself. Monday night same drill. We decided Tuesday morning to travel with Dad, Jon and Shibu and see how far we could get. We got all the way to Langdon - the kids did great, but the last hour was a nightmare! Jon drove my car for me - don't think he'll be doing that again soon.

I got Gavin into see his doctor on Wednesday afternoon and he has strep throat and the makings of an ear infection. Poor little guy! POOR MOMMY!

The funeral was lovely. I felt it was a lovely tribute to a man that I saw as invincible. He was a man of faith to the end and it showed in the lives of his children and grandchildren.

Sheena arrived yesterday, as she had a book signing and launch in Calgary. It was great to spend time with her here in Alberta - she loves Alberta it brings out the best in her.

So the agenda for now is catch up on sleep and get the kids healthy.

Time for reflection

I was in the middle of writing a post describing my trip with Bronwyn to visit my Grandpa Bailey when I got a call that he had passed away.

So for now lets just say - I loved him as many of you who read this blog also did.

God Bless and God speed Grandpa!

I am a nerd

But the important thing is that I know it. I have to admit that I have always been a nerd. Navigating my nerdiness has been my life's work. It has been particularly hard since I have often had very cool friends. One of my friends always prefaces every story she tells with "You'll get a kick out of this, well I think you will."

Today I had an experience that drove home just how "uncool" I am.

I was driving with the kids out to see Gramma and Pops. I was playing a CD for Gavin. It is a cd that Pops made for him. He found a way to copy an old record that he had onto a cd. It is an old children's record by Roger Whittaker. I found myself almost in tears listening to my son sing along with songs that I remember from my childhood.

Now that story should have shown that I am sappy not nerdy - except did you read it closely - we were listening to Roger Whittaker. I am, I have to admit, a Roger Whittaker fan. I am not proud of it but it is undeniable I have liked his singing and music most of my life.

What chance do I have at being cool!!

Oh, well - one super cool thing that happened this week is that we stopped giving Bronwyn shots twice a day. Now her meds are all oral meds.

So I may not be cool, but so far my kids are. (Not to mention my husband - he is the definition of cool!)

I'm giving this a try

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Several of the blogs that I like to frequent have been posting videos. I haven't had the time to figure out how to do it yet - but I decided the other day I better try it.

So here it goes.

I just remembered

There was one important thing I forgot to mention yesterday when I wrote my post. Bronwyn has cut her first teeth. I say teeth because the two bottom teeth are coming in together. She is very tired and a bit cranky this evening - she had her immunizations today. How come a visit to the health nurse not only makes the babies cranky but mommy too?

I also wanted to include these pictures of Gavin painting. He has been asking to paint and pretending to paint for months now. I just wasn't ready to face the whole thing until today. I think we have discovered our son's passion. He was absolutely thrilled! I have been so reluctant to face the mess that comes with it - and then it hit me - I was being a bit hypocritical since every piece of clothing I owned in high school had paint on it. If my Mom could put up with it - so could I.

So he now paints. It is just an issue of convincing him to only paint on paper.

I don't believe them

This week has been a pretty intense week of tests for Bronwyn. She had a VCUG (a test for her bladder reflux) yesterday, and ultrasound today and she gets her 4 month immunizations tomorrow. The test yesterday they actually strapped her down to a table and then did other horrible things before taking x-rays.

She is always very upset. Often the techs and nurses say things like - She won't remember. I feel like correcting them. She may not have "memories" but she does remember. You can't convince me she doesn't remember. Anyone who has seen the look on her face when she sees someone in a long white coat would agree that she remembers.

The best way of describing what I mean is to tell a little story. For a very long time I hated Waterton National Park. Couldn't tell you why but I just hated it and I never wanted to go back. I grew up near Jasper and I have a real affection for the mountains so it was strange that I felt this way. And even stranger I didn't know why. Then one day a couple of years ago (20 years or so after the incident) I remembered why.

When I was very young (11 ish or so) we went to Waterton for a family reunion (my Grandma's side). Almost all of Great Aunt Annie and Great Aunt Signe families were there as well as all of our crowd. At some point someone decided that we should all go for a bike ride on these funny 2 person bikes they had there. They were side-by-side jobbies and not the usual tandem bikes you see.

Whoever had taken charge also decided it was a good idea to send two of the youngest kids out together. So Angela (2nd cousin on Signe's side), who was younger than me, went out with me in this fairly large metal framed monstrosity of a bike. It was super hard to control and eventually we hit a car. We did what any young offender might do - we looked around to see if anyone saw and we beetled out of there as fast as we could. It was a small dent that we left and in retrospect I am not even sure the car owner would have noticed. But I was CONVINCED that the police were going to come get me. The guilt and shame I felt over this incident had followed me through the years manifesting itself in a fear and hatred of Waterton.

Once I realized this it all seemed quite manageable and I stopped hating the place and would quite happily go there now.

Moral of the story is not that I think Bronwyn will wake up in her twenties and remember repressed memories of her first year and all the horrible things that happened. But I do believe she carries forward some of the fear and baggage of getting poked, prodded and bothered with.

So don't tell me she won't remember - that doesn't help!

Having said that I think one of the tests had a positive result, which I am just waiting to confirm. If it is good then I can stop giving her the needles. That would be great.

And we are after all so very thankful for all the medical care that we have received. We are daily thankful to have our girl.

Plugging along

We are just plugging along. Nothing new to report in fact I have to run and do Bronwyn's meds. I also have to wake the kids up - lazy little so-and-sos. Actually Gavin was awake earlier but I convinced him to go back to sleep as he had a pretty late night last night.

Must go - we hope this note finds everyone we love well and good.

Wow was I mortified

I took the kids over to Mom and Dad's this morning. Gavin loves going to Gamma and Pop's house. He calls it the "big house."

The day started well - Gavin was playing on Dad's laptop at the table and I was chatting with Mom and Dad over coffee. I heard a funny clicking noise but when I looked he seemed to be doing just fine. And yet I kept hearing the funny noise. Finally I got up and checked on him. He was carefully and systematically removing the tops of the keys! You know the part of the key that tells you what you are pressing!

I totally flipped and Dad came and started to figure out how it should go back together. Of course you don't really remember where the "home" & "page up" button" go. Thank heavens he hadn't removed all of the keys yet.

My Dad assured me that he took many things apart when he was a child and that his parents were constantly frustrated with dismantled clocks etc.

Gavin couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about - he was just "fikking it."

Things I miss

I already have some regrets as a parent. I regret that my son is growing up so quickly. I regret that so many of the cute things he does through the day give way to different cute things.

For example - he use to say fick (fix), and goggy (doggy), and naske (snake) - now he says all of them properly. Thankfully he still says bargage (garbage) and halcum (your welcome). So I guess I can't say I regret it as new wonders replace the old ones.

It has been a busy week for us though. The time change stinks!

My Grandpa and my brother Tom had their birthdays today. Also my nephew, Jared, turned 13 since my last post. That is so shocking to me as I remember him so vividly when he was Gavin's age - he was soooo cute.

Wes was working on his husband of the year award on Saturday. I have been so tired lately and on Saturday he took the kids out so that I could sleep for an hour or so. That helped so much I almost felt human again.

We have nothing new to report and nothing to admit (well I should think twice about that one).

We argue all the time

So the latest thing with Gavin is he loves to argue. It doesn't matter over what and how factual the argument happens to be - what a Bailey!

Here is how one of our latest conversations went:
G- Mommy whats this?
M- It is a swimsuit.
G- No, not a swimuit.
M- Yes, it is a swimsuit.
G- No, no swimuit.
M- OK then, it is not a swimsuit - what is it?
G- Soup.
M- Oh, it is soup.
G- No, its a swimuit.
M- Alright then!

So you see it is all about the ability to say No to Mommy. This is part of his endeavour to work his world so it is best for him. At dinner tonight he wasn't eating his food (odd for him). He stood in his chair and said "All done - izcream." I said "No - you haven't even touched your food." He bent down put his hand on his food and said "Touch, touch."

Bronwyn is still doing great - she slept almost 4 1/2 hours in her own bed last night - a record since her surgery! She is getting so chatty and smiley. It is so fun to watch her blossom into a little missy.

Wes and I keep trudging on, hoping for more sleep.

Check up day

Bronwyn had an echo and an appointment with her cardiologist today. They were all completely amazed at how well she had done. Dr. Harder figured that being released 5 days after heart surgery has to be some sort of record. The doctor said at one point, "She just seems to be ignoring her heart condition." If you don't know what her issues are you would never guess. I was just so thrilled that everything looked so good today.

I was also relieved because the Dr. assured me that the sleeping issue was a post surgery thing and it would get better in a couple weeks. IF I MAKE IT! She also said that in a couple weeks we can let her cry like a normal baby! Whoo hoo - did you hear that little girl - you know longer hold us hostage! What am I saying I was lousy at letting Gavin cry. For all my tough talk I am a bit of a push-over.

Bronwyn is eating solids now. She is really aggressive about her food - she just loves eating! Now that's my girl!

One another front - I'd like to welcome our new Spanish readers (I think it's Spanish) - but FYI I don't speak Spanish. In fact I am horrible monolingual. Even after years of our education system and government exposing me to the lovely French language I am ashamed to admit that my French is non-existent. It isn't like riding a bike - you do forget!

I do however have a couple of very useful tactics I can share. When I meet someone who doesn't speak English I have (and trust me this really works) found that if I raise my voice to something slightly softer than a yell and gesture wildly with my arms I am able to get my point across. The other technique I use is for situations where I am speaking to someone who speaks English but with a very heavy accent, making it hard to understand. In this scenario I make an O shape with my mouth, squint my eyes and stare dumbly like they are speaking a different language. This one is particularly effective when talking with customs officers.

However, neither of these very useful tips works when blogging. I could go to the bother of getting a dictionary and translating but I am basically lazy so it is not going to happen.

A day trip

I have through all of this experience tried to keep our lives fairly normal and not be too influenced by Bronwyn's illness. This hasn't been easy however, that is why yesterday was so enjoyable.

We went to Banff with the kids to meet up with my best friend Alison and her family. She was there for a conference. We just had a blast and it was a great day to just get away for a few hours and pretend that we are just a normal family (again as normal as any family of mine could be).

Ali and Darren have a daughter, Aleya, who is 3 and a little (ahem) boy, Austin, who is about 2 weeks younger than Bronwyn. Any time we have been together thus far Gavin and Aleya have really enjoyed each other and it looks like Bronwyn and Austin hit it off too.

At the restaurant we were at Gavin and Aleya decided that they should dance together. It was so funny. Aleya is quite a good dancer, which is amazing because I have seen her mother dance - ha sorry Al. They were having a great time but they were getting in everyone's way.

We just enjoyed our visit so much. I have to say I am so proud of Alison and Darren. They are such excellent parents and have been such great friends to us. Alison has been a wonderful support to me through this latest struggle as well as many others in my life.

We love you guys and miss you!

I am so tired

I won't often admit this - but I am absolutely bone tired today. I think Bronwyn has decided to gain back all the weight she lost in 2 nights. Wes was howling at me the other night because I brought her to bed to feed her at some point (no memory of when). I fell asleep while she was nursing. Later on she decided to eat more and she just rolled over and latched on again - I woke up with a start and said "Where did you come from?" I couldn't figure out how she got there or how long she had been there. I am hoping that she is feeling full tonight and will sleep a bit longer.

A friend of mine (you know who you are) told me the other day that I am looking more and more maternal in all the pictures - I assured her its the lack of sleep. I then told her that you wake up one day and your focus is totally changed - there are moments when this really hits you hard.

For example: I have never been what I would call "plugged in" to pop culture, but I think I have hit an all time low. When we were in Edmonton I told Mom and Dad that I wanted to watch Oprah that day. I am not a big Oprah fan, I don't mind it - I just can take it or leave it. But this day I really wanted to see it. Why? Because she was having Daniel Cook on her show. When the celebrity that you are most interested in is a 9 year old from Treehouse you can suddenly feel pretty pathetic!

I know a lot of Mom's out there who are plenty cool so this is no way a reflection of motherhood in general - just the sad state of affairs in this household.

Best run the girl is cranking up!