Glad I didn't write earlier today

Yup - I was a bit of a mess earlier today. Bronwyn lost weight overnight - which is the first time in several days. And it was all my fault. I made a total and complete mess of her medications last night. Yesterday was the first time that I have had to give them to her orally (she pulled her feeding tube out again yesterday - they decided to leave it out). It is a long story but I basically botched it badly and upset her and caused her trauma. She slept a long time over night and didn't eat as much as normal. So the result - weight loss and one upset mommy.

The nurses and staff were all very understanding as they agreed with me that it is best that I blow it while I am with them so I can learn in a protective and professional environment. That is the plus side the down side is that every mistake I make is monitored. It is like learning to drive with a back seat full of formula one race care drivers. In a normal situation you make a mistake you feel awful - but only your husband and a few sympathetic girlfriends know what happened. Here I am explaining to a group of doctors and residents and nurses why I think she lost weight - basically - her mother is a boob!

Oh well - I got over it and we had a pretty good day today. I went down stairs found my good friend Kim, who was holding her baby Quinn, cried on her shoulder a bit and then regrouped. I then came back up and had a good chat with the dietician and she would like to see Bronwyn gain more weight that she has been over the last week. So we will start giving her a bottle a couple times a day with breastmilk and a concentrated formula. This should give her that extra boost to get her really gaining.

I was also sad last night because we were out on a day pass again. Wes dropped us off at the hospital and he and Gavin drove back to Calgary. That was sad for me - but hopefully we will all be back together again here soon. From what I hear it is a good thing we are not in Calgary - I hear the move has made the Childrens' a bit chaotic.

I had a bit of an eerie happening. My mom left me a copy of the latest Sister Triangle (plug - my Aunt Mary and cohorts' little publication for Christian women). I opened it up and saw in the index that there was a poem by Lavine Bailey. Well, at first that freaked me out a bit. For those of you who don't know - Lavine Bailey was my Grandma and she passed away a couple years ago - oh and she was one of my absolute best people ever! I turned to that page and my Aunt had written an introduction explaining that she had found the poem in some old papers of Grandma and Grandpa's. I read the poem and you know it was exactly what I needed to read! She talked of feeling overwhelmed and bundling up her sorrows and trouble and taking them to God. To read her words and to hear her voice in my mind was really touching. I felt very much like God had allowed her to reach down and once again touch my life in a real and meaningful way. She has been such a guide in my life and as you can see she continues to be one still.

Well, I should get on with the laundry. I just took a break from the hospital so I could clean some clothes - I was afraid that they would evict me from the hospital if I didn't clean up a bit!

If only you were all in my head - scary thought! What I mean is that I often think of things that I would say that would interest everyone - but then I sit down and I forget. This log was a bit too long today any how - so maybe a short memory is a blessing.