OK - I never do this! Ever!
I have been following a blog of a family who's little guy also has HLHS. I have never felt very comfortable writing about people or even asking for prayers unless I know I have their permission. But...
This post is not about them - but inspired by them. So Faith I am sorry for dragging you into this - particularly because we have actually never met.
I want to describe how I felt about having Mari.
I had a great level of fear when I first got pregnant. Bronwyn's cardiologist was excited for us and very supportive, which gave me courage. The first ultrasound cleared - whew felt a bit better. Next ultrasound cleared - whew - even better. Echo showed no problems - big big sigh.
So then Mari was born. Apparently healthy and no problems - with the doctor's approval.
How did having Mari affect me? Well, as the birth of any child we love her and we are thrilled to have her. But there is more.
Not long after Bronwyn was born I started to long for another child. I would tell Wes that I just wanted to feel normal again. I just wanted to have a baby and take her home. I was mourning the loss of not having Bronwyn home with us but rather in the hospital.
Having Mari has been one of the most healing experiences of my life. She has help heal wounds I didn't even know I had. My maternal desires and instincts were somehow restored and validated. Being able to bring Mari home only one day old and caring for her with no extra medicines or procedures was so liberating.
We did not have Mari because we had problems with Bronwyn. We always intended to have three. We had her because we wanted her and we love her. I guess her birth has just given me more than I ever imagined it would.
To me this has been a gift from God. He has blessed us so richly with her birth. She is not an easy baby - but she is good natured and wonderfully sweet.
Our family feels complete now. I think of them all as my heart kids.
When Gavin was a baby I prayed that he would be like King David and be "a man after God's own heart."
When Bronwyn was born her heart lead us to new places, new faith and new understanding.
When Mari was born she helped heal the wounds of my heart.
God has blessed us with riches beyond our wildest dreams!
5 comments:
Amazing how God knows what we need - all three of your kiddos are such amazing little ones! Wish we were closer....
Beautiful post, Roberta. Beautiful.
You express things so perfectly. Lovely post. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Roberta-
My name is Jesse and I have a son (Luke) who just turned two. He was born with a single ventricle (most closely related to double inlet left ventricle). He had a PA banding surgery at 5 weeks old and the Glenn at 7 1/2 months old. He is doing fantastic as we await the Fontan, which will mostly likely be a year from this summer.
I wanted to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your honest post about having a child after Bronwyn. Luke is our first and although we always talked about having two children, we are definitely in a place of fear thinking about getting pregnant again. Your words truly comforted me. I know that if we get pregnant again, that child, just like Luke, will be perfect for our family. Perfect to shape and mold us to be the family God wants us to be.
Yes, my heart's desire is for that child to be healthy in all aspects, but I want to be at a place where we would find joy even if another baby was not healthy. Wow, that is scary!
Do you think you would have found healing even if Mari would have had a heart defect? Did you have to get to a place in your heart that you would be ok with another heart baby before you got pregnant again? I ask because those questions are constantly swirling around my brain these days as Luke is two and we are trying to decide if now is the time for another child.
I would love to hear more of your thoughts from this process you went through. You can email me at jessesmith23@hotmail.com, or comment on my blog.
Thanks again for your post!
Jesse
http://smithfamilyjourney.blogspot.com
Great message!!
I honestly do not feel like we are done having kids either, but many in our family are scared and even get upset if we talk about planning a 3rd child.
What a refreshing perspective. I ache to have something more "normal" even though the thought of another child with defects is not nearly as scary to me as it once was.
I think after our next big surgery with Maya we may try once more.
Thanks for that - I want to pass this on to everyone in my family so they can maybe understand a bit too!
Shannon
Post a Comment