Reflections while grocery shopping

I don't like grocery shopping. In fact, I hate it. Always have. Goes back to my childhood. Having said that, I do grocery shop. Tonight we were all going to go, but in the end we decided that just I would go. So off I went.

The one advantage to grocery shopping is that I get a bit of time to myself, to think a bit. Time alone is a luxury I just don't have.

I am very routine in my shopping. I have a pattern. I start at the deli counter and I move through the store from there. I could literally do it blind folded, but I'd likely hit a few other shoppers - so I don't. I decided tonight to swing by the magazines to see if there were any interesting puzzle books. Score! A math puzzle book - yeah with lots of cross sums. I love doing cross sums.

As I paced up and down the aisles, occasionally stopping to add groceries to my cart, I reflect on how my purchases have changed in the last 6 years. Mostly just a lot more food in the cart now.

"If you could read my mind" sung by Gordon Lightfoot started playing on the store sound system. Wow - now that is nostalgic. No matter who records that song it will never be as good as Gordon's version. That song is just him. I love that song. Who doesn't!

By now I'm feeling down right sentimental as I head down the spaghetti sauce aisle. Why are there so many options for spaghetti sauce - how different can all these brands be? I mean they are basically tomato sauce with herbs? Oh well.

As I push my cart into the produce area I am shocked at the number of young men shopping. Apparently this is the night to be out getting your groceries (if your a young guy). I start to laugh when I realize that my first reaction is not checking them out (as I might have 15 years ago), but rather resisting the very strong urge to turn to one of the young men and tell him to pick up his feet when he walks. Apparently once you are a mom you obtain super mom powers that give you the right to treat anyone like a child. Just cause I could be old enough to be his mom doesn't mean that I am! So I hold my tongue, and laugh at myself.

Boy, carrots, why do they sell the little bags of ready to eat carrots. I mean how hard is to peal a carrot? But who am I to... oh ya, I'm "Super Universal Mom" I don't need permission - I can have any opinion and share it randomly. Ha - OK. That idea is getting old already.

As I get to the till an amazing thing happens. I walk right up to an empty till. I start loading my groceries. The gal running them through is doing it so quickly and proficiently that I am having to rush unloading. I am a bit compulsive in my unloading. You know - heavy things first, grouped by food group as much as possible. Meat together yadaa yadaa. Again, more hang-ups from my childhood. This speed messes up my system.

The teller laughs when I tell her that she was so fast I didn't get my weekly meditation time. As I am finishing up my purchase another lively and familiar (but apparently forgettable cause I can't remember it) song blares over the speakers. As I leave the store I smile as I watch various tellers and patrons nodding their head to the beat. An infectious and happy atmosphere tonight.

Returning home I realize the stress that I often feel. The pent up energy and worry that just sits at the back of my mind. The slightest thing can bring that worry tumbling forward.

I reflect on the conversation I had with Bronwyn's cardiologist earlier in the day. A few medicine changes, a need to have another echo in a couple months, a "mild concern." None of it is earth shattering, none of it is alarming. Just a reminder that this will be with us always. Her health is always in the balance - there is no fix for it.

A tear drops from my eye. I muse on the change between my thoughts between the grocery store and home. As I throw open the door with my arms full of groceries I am met with screams of welcome.

"Mommy," says Gavin.
"Happy Birthday!" Yells Bronwyn.
"Agghhh." Growls Mari (yes she growls a lot).

Do I Worry? Sure.

Am I Loved? You betcha!!