Wow was I mortified

I took the kids over to Mom and Dad's this morning. Gavin loves going to Gamma and Pop's house. He calls it the "big house."

The day started well - Gavin was playing on Dad's laptop at the table and I was chatting with Mom and Dad over coffee. I heard a funny clicking noise but when I looked he seemed to be doing just fine. And yet I kept hearing the funny noise. Finally I got up and checked on him. He was carefully and systematically removing the tops of the keys! You know the part of the key that tells you what you are pressing!

I totally flipped and Dad came and started to figure out how it should go back together. Of course you don't really remember where the "home" & "page up" button" go. Thank heavens he hadn't removed all of the keys yet.

My Dad assured me that he took many things apart when he was a child and that his parents were constantly frustrated with dismantled clocks etc.

Gavin couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about - he was just "fikking it."

Things I miss

I already have some regrets as a parent. I regret that my son is growing up so quickly. I regret that so many of the cute things he does through the day give way to different cute things.

For example - he use to say fick (fix), and goggy (doggy), and naske (snake) - now he says all of them properly. Thankfully he still says bargage (garbage) and halcum (your welcome). So I guess I can't say I regret it as new wonders replace the old ones.

It has been a busy week for us though. The time change stinks!

My Grandpa and my brother Tom had their birthdays today. Also my nephew, Jared, turned 13 since my last post. That is so shocking to me as I remember him so vividly when he was Gavin's age - he was soooo cute.

Wes was working on his husband of the year award on Saturday. I have been so tired lately and on Saturday he took the kids out so that I could sleep for an hour or so. That helped so much I almost felt human again.

We have nothing new to report and nothing to admit (well I should think twice about that one).

We argue all the time

So the latest thing with Gavin is he loves to argue. It doesn't matter over what and how factual the argument happens to be - what a Bailey!

Here is how one of our latest conversations went:
G- Mommy whats this?
M- It is a swimsuit.
G- No, not a swimuit.
M- Yes, it is a swimsuit.
G- No, no swimuit.
M- OK then, it is not a swimsuit - what is it?
G- Soup.
M- Oh, it is soup.
G- No, its a swimuit.
M- Alright then!

So you see it is all about the ability to say No to Mommy. This is part of his endeavour to work his world so it is best for him. At dinner tonight he wasn't eating his food (odd for him). He stood in his chair and said "All done - izcream." I said "No - you haven't even touched your food." He bent down put his hand on his food and said "Touch, touch."

Bronwyn is still doing great - she slept almost 4 1/2 hours in her own bed last night - a record since her surgery! She is getting so chatty and smiley. It is so fun to watch her blossom into a little missy.

Wes and I keep trudging on, hoping for more sleep.

Check up day

Bronwyn had an echo and an appointment with her cardiologist today. They were all completely amazed at how well she had done. Dr. Harder figured that being released 5 days after heart surgery has to be some sort of record. The doctor said at one point, "She just seems to be ignoring her heart condition." If you don't know what her issues are you would never guess. I was just so thrilled that everything looked so good today.

I was also relieved because the Dr. assured me that the sleeping issue was a post surgery thing and it would get better in a couple weeks. IF I MAKE IT! She also said that in a couple weeks we can let her cry like a normal baby! Whoo hoo - did you hear that little girl - you know longer hold us hostage! What am I saying I was lousy at letting Gavin cry. For all my tough talk I am a bit of a push-over.

Bronwyn is eating solids now. She is really aggressive about her food - she just loves eating! Now that's my girl!

One another front - I'd like to welcome our new Spanish readers (I think it's Spanish) - but FYI I don't speak Spanish. In fact I am horrible monolingual. Even after years of our education system and government exposing me to the lovely French language I am ashamed to admit that my French is non-existent. It isn't like riding a bike - you do forget!

I do however have a couple of very useful tactics I can share. When I meet someone who doesn't speak English I have (and trust me this really works) found that if I raise my voice to something slightly softer than a yell and gesture wildly with my arms I am able to get my point across. The other technique I use is for situations where I am speaking to someone who speaks English but with a very heavy accent, making it hard to understand. In this scenario I make an O shape with my mouth, squint my eyes and stare dumbly like they are speaking a different language. This one is particularly effective when talking with customs officers.

However, neither of these very useful tips works when blogging. I could go to the bother of getting a dictionary and translating but I am basically lazy so it is not going to happen.

A day trip

I have through all of this experience tried to keep our lives fairly normal and not be too influenced by Bronwyn's illness. This hasn't been easy however, that is why yesterday was so enjoyable.

We went to Banff with the kids to meet up with my best friend Alison and her family. She was there for a conference. We just had a blast and it was a great day to just get away for a few hours and pretend that we are just a normal family (again as normal as any family of mine could be).

Ali and Darren have a daughter, Aleya, who is 3 and a little (ahem) boy, Austin, who is about 2 weeks younger than Bronwyn. Any time we have been together thus far Gavin and Aleya have really enjoyed each other and it looks like Bronwyn and Austin hit it off too.

At the restaurant we were at Gavin and Aleya decided that they should dance together. It was so funny. Aleya is quite a good dancer, which is amazing because I have seen her mother dance - ha sorry Al. They were having a great time but they were getting in everyone's way.

We just enjoyed our visit so much. I have to say I am so proud of Alison and Darren. They are such excellent parents and have been such great friends to us. Alison has been a wonderful support to me through this latest struggle as well as many others in my life.

We love you guys and miss you!

I am so tired

I won't often admit this - but I am absolutely bone tired today. I think Bronwyn has decided to gain back all the weight she lost in 2 nights. Wes was howling at me the other night because I brought her to bed to feed her at some point (no memory of when). I fell asleep while she was nursing. Later on she decided to eat more and she just rolled over and latched on again - I woke up with a start and said "Where did you come from?" I couldn't figure out how she got there or how long she had been there. I am hoping that she is feeling full tonight and will sleep a bit longer.

A friend of mine (you know who you are) told me the other day that I am looking more and more maternal in all the pictures - I assured her its the lack of sleep. I then told her that you wake up one day and your focus is totally changed - there are moments when this really hits you hard.

For example: I have never been what I would call "plugged in" to pop culture, but I think I have hit an all time low. When we were in Edmonton I told Mom and Dad that I wanted to watch Oprah that day. I am not a big Oprah fan, I don't mind it - I just can take it or leave it. But this day I really wanted to see it. Why? Because she was having Daniel Cook on her show. When the celebrity that you are most interested in is a 9 year old from Treehouse you can suddenly feel pretty pathetic!

I know a lot of Mom's out there who are plenty cool so this is no way a reflection of motherhood in general - just the sad state of affairs in this household.

Best run the girl is cranking up!

Ahhhhh home

It is so nice to be home. Bronwyn seems to be doing pretty well so far. Gavin isn't so happy though. He asked for Mamma and Pop many many times today and kept bringing me my shoes and saying "car, car." I am afraid that he got used to be doted on hand an foot by two loving Grandparents - how can a mom compete with that (particularly a mom who is quite concerned about another child's health). He'll adjust though - he always does. And the good news is that his favourite people on earth (his grandparents) live close by.

Last night I was reading him stories in his bed and he took my hand and put his hands around a two of my fingers and started moving them back and forth like scissors. He then took my finger/scissors and started pinching my nose with them. I asked him what he was doing. He said - Alligator bite! - What can you say?

Bronwyn had a visit from her good buddy Cadence today. They were dressed alike - you know best friends do that!

We are home

Just a real quick note to say we arrived home safe and sound. I am so unbelievably tired. I think around Airdrie I started to feel close to home and a huge wave of tiredness (is that a word?) hit me.

I wanted to post a pictures - but not of my little rascals. I wanted to post a picture of Quinn. So many of you have prayed for him and continue to remember him and his family. He was the best roommate we ever had and he is so darn cute. His older sister Hannah is amazingly cute too!

So here is Quinn with his Mommy - Kim. You should see his eyelashes - they are soooo long.

We wish you all a very good night as that is what we hope to have on our end.

Mom is less grumpy today

But I am very very tired. I had a much better night last night at the hospital because I didn't have a roommate. The nurse, who had been Bronwyn's nurse the night before, redirected a patient that was supposed to be put in Bronwyn's room. She told them to put the patient in another available room because she felt that Mom needed a rest. I could have kissed her! Seriously!

We are at the condo - yes all of us. We are coming home tomorrow morning. Dr. Rebeyka walked by Bronwyn's room today and asked - Why is she still here? After I heard that I was hot to trot to track down the doctor on call so we could be released. My one regret is that we got a new roommate just as we were being released - it was baby Quinn. Now that is a roommate I would have loved! I was almost disappointed that I wasn't staying one more night so I could bond with him. Kim and Ben (Quinn's parents) have been such a great support to us and we wish them all the blessings that God can give.

Again, I have to say, bad roommate experience aside we are so thrilled for the wonderful care and skill of the people at the Stollery. Our daughter has done much better than expected and she charmed and won the hearts of everyone who cared for her. Mostly I am just so overwhelmed when I think of what God has done for us. I am so very grateful that he has seen us through yet another scary time. You should see me trying to sing Jesus loves the little children - I become such a mess.

Mom and Dad have been so amazing. We couldn't ask for better support. We will be eternally grateful for their care and love.

Thanks again to all of you who have prayed and wished us well. We are so sure that the multitude of prayers has been answered with abundance. As well thank you to all the Churches of Christ across western Canada that have been praying for her.

Mom is grumpy today

Many times through this process people have told us how well we have handled the situation. I always say "We don't have a choice." I also add that I haven't met any parents who haven't been handling it well and most people just do what they have to do. Well, I guess I finally met parents who seem to be unable to handle it. In fact I shared a room with them last night. Their little guy had a fairly non-invasive procedure but their son was the only patients in the hospital.

I will not gripe to much about my awful night but I will tell this one funny story. The mom was chatting with the Doctor about sedating her son because he couldn't sleep because of all the noise (that would be me). I wasn't supposed to be listening but what can I say I was 7 feet away. Anyhow, they were discussing the sedative and finally the doctor suggested that it might do her son more good if she took the sedative not him. I nearly peed my pants trying not to laugh.

They have been discharged which is great! Never been so happy to see the back of anyone.

On the upside, Dr. Rebeyka was by today and was saying just how great Bronwyn was doing and how rare it is to look at sending a 2nd stage Norwood baby home so soon after surgery. We are just so disgustingly proud of our girl. The cardiologist was laughing because she just stares at him when he comes to talk with us. If he moves she follows him with her eyes. I told him that it is the white coat. Those people who wear white coats do things to her - poke her etc.

We hope to be home soon - thanks again for all your love and support.

We are upstairs

Bronwyn was moved yesterday late afternoon to the Cardiology ward. I stayed with her last night as she is nursing. Have I mentioned before just how much I love staying at the hospital! Yippee. Anyhow - I love my girl that should get me through.

They are talking about possibly sending us home early next week. That is provided all goes well over the weekend. They did discover a blood clot in her neck (from the IV). This happened after the first surgery too. It just means that we need to keep giving her the needles she was getting before surgery.

They were calling her the super star on rounds this morning. Of course she's a superstar! Well that and she has the best pediatric cardiac surgeon in the world (this never hurts I suppose).

I'd be thrilled to my toes if I was so horribly tired. Have I mentioned I hate sleeping in hospitals. I was so pleased last night when I got back to her room because her night nurse was one of my favourite nurses from her visit last time. It was so wonderful to see a familiar face let alone such a wonderful nurse.

Sorry I haven't had photos in a while - I will try to get some posted soon.

Our girl is great

Bronwyn is doing such a great job of her recovery. We are just so proud of her. She has been eating since yesterday and I was able to nurse her a bit today. That went well so we are hoping that we can just pick up where we left off shortly. The PICU isn't a great place for nursing your baby but once we are moved to the ward it should get easier. She would have been moved upstairs today if they had a bed but we are hoping they will have a space for her tomorrow.

As I write this Gavin is helping me by holding a flashlight up to the monitor! Wow what a helper.

I thought that now that the smoke has cleared a bit I would share some thoughts on one of the hardest parts of this process. I think most parents in similar situations would agree that physically handing your child over to the nurse to take her into surgery is likely the toughest thing you will ever do. Many parents go with their child while they are put under - I did this for her MRI and I decided that this wasn't something I wanted to do again until she was older.

I have thought about this a fair bit and I think that the moment that you pass your child over for major surgery is all about faith. Yes it is about faith in God which is in someways is the easiest. It is also about faith in people - faith in the nurses, the doctor's, the equipment, in the health system. You feel like you are stepping off a cliff but you don't know how far down the ground is or if there is water or dirt at the bottom. Your mind and logic have to override your instincts which say to keep your baby safe from harm. The rational side of you has to work hard to control and convince your mothering side to just let go and it will all be OK.

I am sharing this not to upset everyone but I know many of you have done similar things and it isn't easy and I don't want to pretend that it is. But I can say that in our situation the results of this faith has been very rewarding. We thank God for protecting our girl and we are so grateful for every day that she does well.

Just a funny note

We are doing well. Bronwyn ate well this afternoon when they gave her a bottle. They are weaning her off her meds and her various IV's quickly. This is a much faster process than the last operation.

We took Gavin to see Bronwyn this evening. I thought it would help him to understand why she isn't coming home. As you walk into the PICU they have lino stars in the floor (I had never noticed before this evening). Gavin saw the stars and started singing "twinkle twinkle little star" - or "tinko tinko ito tar" (as he says it). He was singing quite loudly. All the staff that we passed by stopped to see who was singing - he is shorter than all the equipment so he was hard to see. As we got close to Bronwyn's area we passed by a meeting of doctors and nurses. He continued to sing as we walked by everyone. He sang until he was done the song. Everyone was so amused. They all stopped every conversation and just listened and joked about Gavin and his singing. I over-heard one of the doctors say "Well, that just made my day!"

What a cutie! I'll say it even though I am biased.

So far so good

We are crossing our fingers because Bronwyn is doing really well so far. The nurse was concerned because she has noticed that Bronwyn has a temper. We told her that this was nothing new. She also said that she thinks our girl has a lot of "attitude". Well, have you met her mother!

They took the breathing tube out this morning and she is doing very well with that change. They are going to try bottle feeding her this afternoon. I thought they would tube feed her first so I am thrilled that we might skip that step.

It is very hard to do updates right now because Gavin is very enthusiastic about the "pooter," so Mommy doesn't get much of a turn.

I am also happy to report that we have seen baby Quinn and he is doing great. We have also seen another family, and their daughter, that we met when we were here last time - so it is almost a party!

Again we want to thank you all for your prayers and support. This has been quite the ride and we will always be extremely thankful for all the love that has surrounded us. You are all so very wonderful and we thank God daily for the support.

Bronwyn pulled through

Once again our girl has pulled through in great shape. We didn't get to talk to the surgeon yet - but so far all the reports are extremely positive. We left her for a while as she is still heavily sedated. So far so good.

The Dr. we talked to was very optimistic about how the surgery went. I have a few questions to ask Dr. Rebeyka about the surgery and if they addressed some other issues that they had earlier been concerned about.

We will keep you all posted. But for now we are very relieved and looking forward to her recovery and return home.

Quick note

Surgery will be on Tuesday.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers

We have a date... sort of

We are leaving for Edmonton tomorrow. Bronwyn is to have her pre-admittance visit Friday with the chance of having her surgery on Monday. If she gets bumped from Monday's spot they will do her surgery some time next week. We received the phone call this morning so it isn't much notice.

I can't write long because both my children are being high maintenance today. I will keep you updated.

Things that go bump in the night

We are still waiting to hear about a surgery date. We are all tired today.

I was disrupted from slumber early this morning. I heard a loud and unusual bang. I jumped up thinking someone had knocked something over. I check Bronwyn first - she was fine. I checked Gavin next - he was fine. I then went into the hall way and turned the light on. By that point Wes was awake and joined me. I was also now awake enough to identify that the noise sounded like a crowbar hitting concrete.

If it was concrete the area of concern is the basement. I thought - if I was a burglar and I had made such a loud bang - I would leave quickly and go straight to the nearest career office to reconsider my options. So I figured that since I had not heard any other noises we were OK in that regard.

We also have a very shaky drier and things frequently fall off of it - making disturbing bumps from the deep. But it was not running.

My next question was, "Wes did you leave something heavy like a crowbar hanging somewhere where it could drop?" He looked concerned and said - "Oh, yes - I think I know what it was." I responded, "Do you want to check?" He responded, (sorry for all the responding) "No it is fine I am pretty sure I know what it was."

We then all returned to bed - of course the commotion in the hallway had caused our oldest child to wake up and he insisted on coming to bed with us too.

Moral of the story? I guess - don't go to bed too late? I don't know - some stories just don't have a moral or even a point.

Hanging out

Today is a pajama day. We are just having a low key, TV watching, sit and relax sort of day. We even had chicken noodle soup for lunch. An old fashioned comfort day. We had a pretty crazy weekend so we are just taking it easy today. We are all doing well. I thought I was coming down with the house cold on Saturday but thankfully it seems to have passed me by.

You would all be really quite shocked at how normal my life with the kids is. There are a few odd things of course- like the fact that I have the pharmacy on speed dial - but on the whole we have an average existence. I actually make a point of not trying to obsess about Bronwyn's condition - which sometimes is easier than others. Today it was easy - she is such a sweet girl and it can be so easy to forget that she has such a serious condition. While I was holding her today she sat with her tongue out and a silly grin on her face - wow is she like her dad! Ha.

Gavin's new favourite song is "The Wheel's on the bus". Take it from Mommy this song NEVER gets old. Just super!

I am fairly careful not to see brilliance and brag about it in my kids - but I dunno he really does seem to be fairly artistic. He very intentionally draws, of course it looks nothing like what he says it is but he is trying to draw things. Of course Mommy ends up looking dumb because she can't tell what it is! Silly Mommy - as Gavin says.

So you see my life is very much the life of your average Mom of two kids - I just have more of a reason when I jump up in the night and check her heart rate (admit it - you do it too).

For now we sit at home living our average life waiting for a new surgery date.

Happy 40th Jonny

Today is my brother's 40th birthday - holy smackers that is old and to think you don't look a day over 39!

Happy birthday Jon (or as Robbie says - brudder).

Sunny day

Wow it is amazing what a sunny nice day can do for your spirits. It is a bit too windy to take Bronwyn out for a walk but it is beautiful. We were just out to Hope's for lunch. Gavin played outside with Hunter for a while. That has been one of my biggest challenges get outside time for Gavin in a way that fits with Bronwyn's needs. Mel and Cadence were there too - so it was a house full of kids and babies - whooo hooo.

Bronwyn seems to be symptom free so I am just starting to count down now. She loves to chew on her toes - changing her diaper is difficult because as soon as it comes off up her feet go and she has a hand around each foot and her big toe in her mouth. So cute! Gavin never did that - I think he was too chubby!

Well - I best go the little one is stirring.

In waiting

For now we are just hanging out waiting for Bronwyn to be symptom free. She really hasn't been very sick at all - just a touch of a cold. I hope tomorrow that she will be pretty free and clear so I can start counting out the days.

I was waiting until we got back to Edmonton so I could give an update on Quinn. I was hoping I'd have a chance to see him and report on my own findings - but alas that has to wait. The word I have from his Mom however, is that his heart is holding strong. He is running into some bumps on the road to recovery - but this is apparently quite normal for a little guy who has waited so long for a heart. We just continue to pray for him and for all the doctors who are caring for him.

The other person I have been thinking about this weekend is my Grandpa Bailey. He is moving into an old folks home in Midale tomorrow. Aunt Mary has been looking after him since my Grandma passed away. I could write for a long time on just how amazing my Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill have been - but those of you who know them understand. Lets just say I am so proud of them for caring for Grandpa's physical and emotional needs so well. I am also very proud that they had the strength to make the choice to move him when his needs required it.

One of my favourite mental images of my Grandpa is him sitting in a chair upright, slightly leaning forward with the newspaper in his hand and a pencil as he worked on the crossword puzzle. Often his tongue would be sticking out the side of his mouth as he worked it out. My Grandpa had a keen intellect and a love of people and God. He is an absolute tower of strength and wisdom in my world as well as a source of great joy.

I love you Grandpa!

To clarify

My last post was so brief that I realize now that many of you are unsure or where we are or what happened.

We are in Calgary - we were literally an hour or so away from leaving when I phoned the coordinator in Edmonton. When I said Bronwyn was getting a bit of a cold they cancelled her surgery immediately. There wasn't any questions of how bad or when it started - it was immediate - no surgery.

We now have to wait and call them back when she has been symptom free for a week. Then they will rebook with in the next couple weeks.

The important thing is that her overall health is great and she can sustain this wait. I was of course discouraged but I am now much more rational about it. It felt like a set back at first but now considering how sick we all are here it is a blessing. We will all (particularly Wes & I) be able to handle surgery and everything it entails better if we are all healthy and on the top of our game.

I have rarely through this process felt so overwhelmed that I just couldn't face one more problem. When we first found out about her condition I felt that way and when I couldn't hold her for the first couple days I felt that way too. But as in both of those situations yesterday God provided the help and support that I required to handle what was on my plate. Whether it was a well timed call from a couple supporting and loving friends or the amazing support of my parents and family - God had it covered. I occasionally feel so overwhelmed at how incredibly lucky I am to be surrounded by such care and concern.

We (me and my tapeworm) are good and once again in a better frame of mind.

False start

Bronwyn has Gavin's cold - her surgery has been postponed. At the moment I feel devastated. I need some time and some sleep to feel better about this.

I also need some coffee!

Here we go... again

Well tomorrow I head off to Edmonton with the kids. My parents are going with me tomorrow. Wes will follow at some point this weekend. It is a familiar trip and yet a very different experience this time.

Last time when we headed to Edmonton to wait for Bronwyn's birth we knew we were having a girl. We did not know however just what a lovely little girl she would be. We didn't know if she would live to have surgery or live through the surgery. We did know that we desired to have her as part of are family.

I felt a great deal more uncertainty as I headed north last time. This time I have less anxiety but I do feel that we have more to loose. There really is not a good time to loose a baby. We are anxious and desirous that all go well and that we can bring our baby home safe and sound in a couple weeks time.

I am, however unsure the above statement sounds, completely confident that God has us in his grasp. He has given us a wonderful few months and Bronwyn has done so very well so far. I truly believe that he will hold us all safe through this next phase.

I ask that if you pray please pray for us as we face this next challenge. (You could also pray for Gavin as he has reach the end of his mother's patience this evening!)

I will do my best to keep you all posted.

Spaghetti and more

The picture of Gavin was taken the other night at the end of dinner. After he had enough to eat he discovered the other use for spaghetti - skin care.

I love this picture of Bronwyn in her sooo cute tights - she looks like she is kick boxing. After all Wes does love to watch ultimate fighter.

We are having a bit of drama today. Gavin had his flu shot yesterday and now today he seems to have the flu. He is throwing up. I don't know if this is a side effect of the flu shot or if he just happened to catch something around the same time. He is miserable and I am trying to keep little Missy away from the action. I have been washing everything he throws up on with bleach (including him - bad mommy eh?) and I have been dousing everyone with that antibacterial stuff. I am so worried that Bronwyn may catch something. I am more worried than normal because if she gets sick they may postpone her surgery!

We will just take it as it comes though. There is nothing to be gained by worrying about it. If she gets sick well - we will just deal with it. But for now I am praying that she doesn't.

She is such a grabber these days - she tries to grab everything. I have to be careful if I am holding her at the table because she'll pull my plate right of the table if I'm not cautious.

Gotta run - little guy is calling.

Surgery date

We have a surgery date. January 22nd. This surgery is called the Glenn. It is another open heart surgery but is slightly less complicated than the last surgery. They are going to attach her superior vena cava to the pulmonary artery so that the blue blood will flow passively to the lungs before being directed to the heart. This will alleviate some strain from her heart. It should also cause her oxygen saturations to be more stable.

While we are nervous about having her go through another rather large ordeal we are also very excited to get this next step over. I personally have nothing of the fear that I had before she was born. Our familiarity with the hospital, the system and our daughter's nature have made me far more confident moving into this next phase.

We do ask, however, that those of you who do pray, please pray for Bronwyn and the rest of the family. We have enjoyed our daughter so much and we want to continue on as family.

I can't help myself

OK I am going to tell a story that isn't mine to tell but I just can't help myself. My mom and I have been laughing for days over a story my sister-in-law told us about her son - Robbie. Robbie is about 3 and a half and recently he was at a birthday party for the daughter of one of Cindy's friends. This little one year old - Sydney is just learning to walk. She staggered over to Robbie and started to grab him to steady herself. He pushed her away. When his Mom exclaimed "Robbie!" He responded, "She started it."

Isn't that the funniest thing! It has amused me almost as much as that clip of Joe Namath trying to kiss the lady interviewing him. Ha - that was a few years ago. Both Mom and I agree that my Grandma Bailey would have loved that - she would have fallen over laughing. For those of you who never knew my Grandma I am not exaggerating when I say she would fall over laughing!

Of course

I don't have much time, the kids will be up and around any minute. My lovely little family loves to sleep in! Yeah for Mommy!

So I quickly have to tell how my son frequently says "Of course." He uses it like yes. Do you want some breakfast - of course. Do you want to watch pooh - of course. Did you wake up your sister - of course. It is so funny to me because I don't think we say "of course" all that much. I can't really even pinpoint why it is such a major part of his current vocabulary. With other words such as "not" I completely understand where he gets it. He uses "not" as a more firm and definite "no." If I try to take something away from him he yells - no no no - NOT. I think this is because I say no A LOT (you would too if you had a two year old), but I only pull out the not word when I am really serious. So phrases like - you will not stand on the back of the chair, you will not feed your sister, you do not hit mommy - are not common but they come out when necessary. So hears not - its the of course business that I can't figure out.

Got to run - he's up - OF COURSE!

Why I believe

The other day I was thinking about my Faith and how important it has been to me over the last few months. I started to wonder - Why do I believe? My mind instantly races to all the evidences that I see of God's hand in my daughters life as well as my own. I look back over my life and see so many instances that are proof to me of God. But you know this isn't why I believe. This is just evidence of my belief.

So why do I believe in God? Many years ago I heard a quote attributed to Albert Einstein(I can't verify this quote - sorry). A reporter asked him if he believed in God. His answer was yes. The reported then asked why. The genius responded "Because the alternative is unthinkable."

That answer really spoke to me. I don't want to think that I believe in God because its the scenario that I like the best - but really when I think of it a life without God is, for me, unthinkable.

I never knew a time when I didn't believe in God. He has always been a major part of my life. I was raised not only going to church but believing that God was a part of my every waking minute. My parents have given us great gifts and help over the years - but the thing for which I will always be most thankful is the clear and careful path toward God that they marked in our childhood.

So why do I believe? Well I always have I guess. But I feel I am a stronger better person because I serve a God with purpose.

I have to brag

Here is a picture of the dump truck that Wes made for Gavin. He still needs to varnish it but other than that it is done. Didn't he do a great job.

What a talented husband eh?

Christmas miracles

So it is officially Christmas day. I am awake and I can't sleep. To busy thinking! Actually thought I'd wake up for that blasted Santa person - who prowls around in the middle of the night.

I have been thinking a lot of what an amazing Christmas this has been for our family. We are celebrating Christmas as a family of four - something we were not sure was going to happen. We are daily thankful that we have our daughter - it is just some how more magnified at a holiday/family time like this. We are nearing her second surgery another milestone we weren't sure would come. By the way we don't know yet when our surgery date is but it will be roughly end of January.

We are of course beyond thrilled for Quinn and family. We haven't seen an update in over 24 hours but we continue to pray that he does well and starts to navigate his way through all the recovery hoops that come up. We ask that you please keep them in your minds and hearts and pray for them as this is a very critical time for Quinn. These little fragile babies of ours have done more in their short lives than most of us will be called to do.

On the lighter side. Here are some of the miracles that have occurred in our house this Christmas:

1. We have a Christmas tree. This miracle is courtesy of Home Depot. Wes called Saturday (yes two days before Christmas) and asked if I wanted a tree because Home Depot was giving them away. My initial response was - No it is two days before Christmas - why bother! But my husband, whom I suspect of being more sentimental about Christmas than I am, pushed back - so I said yes - who can argue with free!

2. We got to bed before midnight. Well at least I did. This miracle was primarily caused by the fact that I required much less of myself this year. I lowered the bar substantially and I still managed to forget a couple important things - but just a couple. We tossed the kids in bed and wrapped the last of the gifts. Wes was working on his gift for Gavin - he has been making him a truck - it is done - just not varnished - another miracle.

3. I took my kid for a visit with Santa. You may or may not know that I am very ambivalent about Santa - I haven't figured out if we are going to do Santa or not. So to see me running down the street with Gavin in my arms, under-dressed, in the cold, to see Santa who was going around Langdon with the Fire Truck - was a miracle. Gavin loves fire trucks so it was way cool for him.

I guess I should be getting back to be so we can enjoy our Christmas morning soon. I need to go push my way back into bed. Apparently getting to sleep in a bed that isn't littered with children is too much to ask for this year - maybe next, or the next...

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Hold your loved ones close everyday. One thing we have learned from our daughter is that every moment is precious - Christmas or not.

PS - I just realized looking at the photos I posted that my son is in pajamas for all of them. Just in case you think this is just a matter of timing, it isn't. The hardest part of my day is getting Gavin out of his pajamas. He LOVES pajamas. There are days I just won't fight it. So as a result all the photos I have of him lately are pajama shots!

Great news

I am just so thrilled right now. I just got a call from Kim, Quinn's mom, they are getting a heart today! I am just crying while I write this.

I don't have any more details, but I wanted to share this great peice of news.

I also want to ask everyone who can to pray that the transplant surgery goes well and that Quinn manages this as well as he has all his other challenges.

I very firmly believe that God has this family in his hands and that he will look after them!

What great great great news!

2006 Christmas Card

All right - I decided that I would liberate myself from Christmas cards this year. I gave up local cards years ago but I still to this day hand write greetings to family and friends who don't live near by. I enjoy it, to be honest, and I will resume the ritual again another year. But this year I just don't have it in me.

So here is my plan. This post is my Christmas card. But to make it interesting I'd like for everyone who is still following our blog to post a Merry Christmas back to us. We would love to hear from all of you even those of you who are shy. I do recognize some of you are unable to comment because of technical issues, but if you can send us a note and add where you are living.

So from our house to yours we wish you a very merry Christmas and we wish rich blessings in the new year.

A request

I am dropping a quick note to ask that you all pray for Quinn and his family. Just in case you have lost track of time (which is so easy to do). It has been 4 months since he was born and they are still waiting for a heart.

Any of you who read this blog who pray - please pray now. For Quinn's stability while he waits and for his family as they sit by and wait with him.

Quinn's parents are encouraged by all the prayers and I know they appreciate everyone who thinks of them.

Funny story

Last night Wes and Gavin had to get a flu shot. We all have to get them this year because of Bronwyn. I had mine earlier so the boys went last night. We all went together. I was worried that Gavin would cry and be upset so I picked up some little horses at the dollar store and had them ready while the nurse was giving him the needle.

Wes was holding him, he got the needle and he didn't even flinch. I gave him the horses thinking he'd have a delayed reaction. He turned to the horse and said with excitment "Horsie, horsie!" The nurse was floored she couldn't believe his total lack of reaction.

What totally killed me was as we were leaving the clinic Gavin said "Thats fun." I asked him - "Did you say that was fun?" He replied, "ah,huh" (that's yes in Gavin speak). Wes and I just laughed so hard at that.

It is never straight forward

I got the results from Bronwyn's MRI today. It was a bag of real mixed blessings. I try hard not to see any test she has as a simple yes or no answer because if I do I am caught off guard by the "buts." Does she have a blood clot? No, but... She has a narrowing in her shunt and a slight narrowing in the aorta (the aorta created during the first surgery by grafting vein material onto the pulmonary vein). What does this mean? Well to be frank this is the biggy that we have been worrying about since we brought her home. If either of these areas collapses or gets blocked she will go into cardiac arrest. This is serious but we are on the verge of the second surgery and they will be discussing what to do and in what order.

There is a fair bit of good news. First, the treatment that she has been receiving for the blood clot is in fact the same medicine used to treat a narrowing of the shunt. So we have been treated this unknown problem for over a month (I see God's hand in this). Secondly, it isn't too severe of a narrowing or they would have her hospitalized right away. Finally, she is not showing any symptoms of heart failure so the narrowing hasn't affected her functioning yet.

What's the next step? - well that is the question! Next Tuesday they will meet via phone with the surgical team in Edmonton and discuss time lines and procedures. So I will know more mid next week.

The only other result from the MRI that I confess I don't know enough about and need to discuss more with the Cardiologist is that the area that they thought was a clot is a muscle mass and they think there may be an aneurysm underneath it. So I need to find out what this means and what they plan to do about that.

So you see - it is never as simple as "No, it is not a blood clot."

It is still very hard for me sometimes when I look at my lovely little girl to believe that she has so many issues deep down in her little heart!

Seriously

Bronwyn's MRI went well - she was put under general anesthetic. She recovered well. Her oxygen saturations were a bit low - a bit scary for me. But I think it was just from all the strain of the ordeal. Her sats have been just fine today. She is right as rain today and I hope that they will have their results mid next week. There are two outcomes of this MRI. #1 - to ascertain if she does have a blood clot in her heart or not and #2 - to decide if she is ready for the next surgery. For those of you who like to research these things the second surgery she will have is called the Glenn's.

As you likely read the rest of the family (the male population) has been sick - but they are on the mend. Now if I could only get Gavin to go to bed!

I'm not sympathetic

For those of you don't know me too well this may come as a surprise. I am not a sympathetic person. I come from a long line of women who lack that virtue (sorry to rat you out Mom). Why have I brought it up? Well we have been sick in this house and by we I mean Wes and Gavin. This is how the last week and a half went.

Wed - Wes says he has a sore throat I say - well go to bed you need more sleep or you'll get sick and we don't want that.

Thur - Wes stays home from work because he is very sick. I am sympathetic but feel if he got more sleep he wouldn't be sick.

Fri - Wes is still sick but ventures to work. He goes to bed early and I figure that should fix him.

Sat - Wes is still sick - I am now getting tired of this! I drag Wes and family out to the mall to do some Christmas shopping - just what every sick person wants. After fun family time Wes has a long nap to recuperate.

Sun - He starts coughing. OK - all my sympathy and concern has dried up. He coughs all night - I get crankier and crankier and finally ask him if he has any control over how much he coughs. He claims he doesn't.

Monday - Still coughing - For the love of peter stop it! I am getting progressively crankier and more tired.

Tues - Well great - now Gavin is sick! I have a great deal of sympathy for my poor boy except he feels so yucky he wants to sleep with us. Will I ever sleep again?

Wed - Bronwyn is very fussy - it is 1 am and I am still trying to get her settled. Wes' coughing wakes her up! I have a temper tantrum - Wes feels bad about the coughing and goes and sleeps in Gavin's bed (since he's in our bed anyhow). Gavin cries because Daddy has left the room.

Thurs - Now Gavin is coughing all night. We have to give him some Tylenol in his milk as he won't let us give it to him. Neither of my children take medicine easily. I have been so anxious that Bronwyn not get sick before her MRI as they will delay it if she has a cold.

Fri - I am past the point of caring anymore. I am exhausted and they are both still sick. Bronwyn has her MRI. They put her under - she does very well.

Sat - Wes is finally feeling better - perhaps there is an end in sight after all. When will this child go to bed.

So you see - no sympathy at all - my poor enduring husband!

Winter fun

We were at my folks house yesterday afternoon. Jon and Cindy and the twins were there too. Grandpa and Grandma had them all outside for some fun on the sled - I took Bronwyn out for a photo op. (just in case you might worry that I'd let her ride with those hooligans!).

We are having a total down day today. Gavin had a rough weekend going here and going there - so I told him he could do whatever he wants today. So he is sitting on his pooh couch watching the Hefelump movie in his diaper! How could life get any better eh?

We had a visit from Melanie and Cadence, the girls enjoyed their visit. They smiled and laughed together and had a couple good cries together - isn't that what best friends are for??

Bronwyn has her MRI at the end of this week, so we will hopefully have some news after that.

My albatross

There are very few things in Bronwyns care that give me consistent worry. I have moments of concern and down right fear but on the whole I manage to be pretty calm. The one exception is her weight gain. As long as she is gaining decent amounts of weight I am fine, but...

This last week she didn't gain anything at all and that is coming off of another week where she had gain but not as much as expected. I keep telling myself that normal babies grow in spurts and have lulls in growth so I should expect the same for Bronwyn. I call in her weight once a week to a dietitian. I always feel like I have to have reasons for bad weight gain.

Many of you are still unclear about what this issue (among others) means for Bronwyn. As one medical student said to me "I'll put this as simply as I can..." (how funny eh?). The big issue is with weight gain is that it shows she is thriving which means that her heart isn't working so hard that she can't pack on a few calories. It takes Bronwyn much more energy to do things than normal babies so she is at risk of burning off too many calories while eating and not being able to store them. The second issue is that the bigger she gets the better. The bigger her body the bigger her little heart will be for the second surgery.

This week we don't have any appointments or bothers for her and she is taking her bottle better than before. So I hope that she will gain well this week.

If there are other parts of her treatment/progress that anyone reading doesn't understand please feel free to ask and I can add any info necessary. I don't always know what to explain and what not too.

A formal apology

I took my camera into the Canon place today and apparently the flash is broken. It was also apparently a co-incidence that it went when Gavin was playing with it. He did not cause the problem. So I have unfairly accused him - it was not his fault!

We have started our nightly bedtime gong-show. I think Gavin is cutting his two year molars. Well I hope it is his molars otherwise his sleep patterns are for the dogs for nothing. Bronwyn has been getting fussy at night too - only when we lay her down (how dare we!). Last night we got Bronwyn quiet and in bed and then Gavin started to cry. Wes was in the bathroom brushing his teeth so I went in with him and locked the door behind me! What a coward eh?

This is the time of year that I usually wake up and realize that Christmas is just a month away and I have done nothing. We may actually have a Christmas tree this year. Last year we bought decorations but never actually put them up. All we need this year is a tree. I have never in all my adult life had a Christmas tree in my own home. I have started telling people that I have religious objections to Christmas trees - this is easier than admitting that I am just too lazy!

My son is standing at his door crying "Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad... " The poor little mite.

By the way Bronwyn has an MRI scheduled for December 8th to see if it is actually a blood clot in her heart or not. They will also use this information to decide if she is ready for the next surgery. I hope we can take her off the inoxiparon after that as her little legs and arms are starting to look like pin cushions.

Well, we are all exhausted - well everyone but Gavin that is - so I best go and see if I can't get him to settle for the night.

Really Quick

We have been doing very well. Gavin is as busy as a two year old can be. Bronwyn had her immunizations this morning - so far so good. She was really super put off by the process though. Won't it be nice when we get to a place where she isn't poked and prodded so much. That is my hope anyhow.

Well - missy is starting to cry so I best run.

I understand from the last update that baby Quinn is stable and holding his own. Thank God for that! So we need to just continue to pray for a heart - I can't help but feel like good news is just around the corner!

Best go.

Update

Bronwyn had another echo yesterday and they aren't sure it is a blood clot. The doctor wants to do an MRI to see if it is muscle tissue or a blood clot. She is also hoping that the surgeons will be happy with the info they get from the MRI so we don't have to do the cardio-cath, which far more invasive. I am so pleased that our doctor cares so much that she not be subjected to more than she should.

She was also not overly alarmed by her sats either. And since they removed the patch that was in her leg to help administer the inoxiparin she has been a much happier girl. She is back to her old self. I am having to give her injections now but that is far easier on her than the patch.

Well - I haven't much time today. So this is just a short update to say that things are going well and I am feeling much more relaxed about everything.

Pictures

This may be the last of the photos until I figure out what our son did to our camera.

Check up day

We just finished the evening "putting Gavin to bed" ritual. Wow cribs have their benefits! He doesn't seem to understand that we are the parents. I think he sees us more as facilitators. I have just barely enough energy to write about our day.

I was anticipating that this would be an encouraging and trouble free report as Bronwyn has been doing so well and we have had so little concerns. But... I guess today was a bit of reminder of how tenuous our situation is. Bronwyn did well over all. She didn't enjoy the process and was extremely angry during her echo. She expended a great deal of energy crying and fussing and carrying on (wow she is just like her mother). The shunt seems to be fine and the functioning of the heart seems to be fine. There is however a blood clot in her heart. I am glad that she has a very relaxed and calm doctor. So when she says things like, "Well, that is in a bad place, if it breaks loose it will go straight to her brain and she'll have a stroke," she is so calm that it is hard to panic. That is until what she said sinks in. She has been put on a blood thinner now and I had to go back to the hospital and be taught how to administer it.

I guess what was more alarming to me was that when they checked her oxygen saturations after the echo they were low. Dangerously low. The doctor was fairly alarmed. I assured her that we have been getting much better numbers at home and we check every evening. I have never seen saturations that alarmed me at home. I suggested that perhaps it was the crying. She agreed it could be. As we were talking her sats increased into far more acceptable numbers. The doctor is concerned that she may be de-sating when she cries. This could have long term impact on her brain. We don't let her cry like that at home (if we can stop it) and she is not a baby who is prone to crying. I guess it just alarmed me that there are things that are going on that I just cant tell because I can't see inside her little system.

We are however not discouraged. It was fairly unrealistic to think that a baby with her condition would sail through all her appointments and not have any complications. We are pragmatic and thankful that they continue to stay right on top of all the developments.

They are doing a scope in a couple weeks to check out the heart and lungs. What they find in the scope will give them an idea of when they will do the next surgery. We are now thinking it will be roughly mid January, unless there are complications that need to be addressed sooner or complications that cause a delay. Wow, was that a firm answer!

I have to say that I just love her cardiologist in Calgary. We have been so blessed by having caring and gifted people attending her all through this.

So it was a bit of a stressful day. Trying to get Gavin up from his nap and into the car to get back to the hospital to meet the thrombosis people was well a great part of that stress. Can't get him to bed, can't get him up! Oh to be two again.

Quick note

Just a quick note to say that we are all on the mend and that Bronwyn faired quite well. She didn't gain as aggressively as she should but she still gained - which is still impressive as she had a head cold.

For those of you who are curious - she weighs just a hair above 10lbs now. I think Gavin weighed 14 or 15 lbs by this point - but he was a much chubbier kid from the start.

Continue to pray for Quinn and his family.

Stay warm - except my family in Africa - you stay cool!

We are sick

Well it has happened - we all have head colds. I am likely the least effected. I was hoping that as I have a bit of a cold that I would pass on antibodies to Bronwyn and she wouldn't get sick at all. But she is sick. So far she doesn't seem too bad. I know it was unavoidable with a two year old in the house - but it is complicated by her condition.

I remember the first cold Gavin had. I was so scared that he would get sick and when he finally did he lived through it and it wasn't so bad after all. But I was a nervous wreck. How things change! I was concerned that Bronwyn would get sick but I just knew it would happen. When I woke up this morning and heard her snuffling I didn't panic. I called her cardiologist and had a chat with one of the nurses there. We are just keeping an eye on her for now and monitoring her saturations. Imagine calling the cardiologist as your first course of action to a head cold! How crazy is that!

Gavin is quite cranky and Mommy is finding hard to manage the whole sick family. The kids are napping now so after I do a load of laundry I may try to catch a few winks myself.

A quiet moment

I am sitting in our little office area right now. The tv is off, the radio is off, Gavin is sleeping, Bronwyn is sleeping and Wes is having a nap. All I can hear is the hum of the refrigerator. Wow! This is a precious moment. My soul feels serene. This so great as the last few days have been anything but serene. We had Gavin's birthday party yesterday. It was great fun but definitely not serene.

I have included a couple pictures.

I would ask that you all continue to pray for baby Quinn. He is stable for now but they are praying that he doesn't run into any other complications before they get a heart. He has shown himself to be a strong little man, but the waiting has not been without difficulty and it is very wearing on his health and on his family. I think of Kim and family so much. Most parents can think "That could be us." But you don't really understand how narrow the margins are that separate healthy babies from babies with complications.

I can say this however, that even through Bronwyn and Quinn were born with heart defects they have already made a huge impact on their families and all that know them.

Kids, kids, kids...

We are having Gavin's birthday party on Saturday. I am not sure I can pull it off. I am so scattered in everything I do that I seem to get nothing done. I start one thing, think of something else, start it, realize I was in the middle of something else, stop what I was doing and then start something all together new. Really it seems I am turning into my mother!

Bronwyn is doing great. She is gaining weight and has had good saturations. She is very alert and bright. She gurgled and almost laughed in response to her Dad's laughter this evening. It was very cute. She really has a lovely and happy disposition. Which amazes me after all that she has been through.

Gavin is also doing well. He is asleep in his own bed as we speak! Whew. The problem we are having is keeping him there through the night. He has been arriving in our room in the middle of the night and crawling into bed with us. He is still our sweet baby boy after all.

Wes and I are doing well. He is busy with work and house projects and I am busy, well busy running in circles!

Thank you to everyone who has continued to check on our progress and who has shown such great love and concern for our family.

Embrace the chaos

I have discovered that the secret to serenity with a two year old in the house is to "embrace the chaos." The two year old will only drive you crazy if you expect anything to go your way or to happen with out incident. If you expect to be cleaning behind him, finding bits of fruit in the DVD cases, and vaseline poured into your water glass - well then your day will go as planned. This level of acceptance comes much easier some days than others. The day you are in a hurry is the day he gets away from you while you are changing his diaper and you run around frantically trying to keep poop from spreading through the whole house!

Having said this the antics of a two year old are also the best medicine for any bad mood. If you sit back and watch Gavin work at his world it really is a joy.

Bronwyn is smiling and interacting more and more. I am so pleased with this. I expected some delays in her development as she had such a rough start to her little life. But so far she seems to be within the realm of normal (again as normal as a child of mine can be). We likely wont know until much later if there are any side effects of all that she has been through.

Yesterday when I was changing Bronwyn on our bed Gavin decided it would be fun to have a pillow fight with her. Well, his Mom had issues with that - what a bummer eh?

The above picture is Gavin terrorizing a baby other than his sister. It is Cadence Mackenzie.

So I say - if you have a two year old - embrace the chaos!

Keep praying

Just a quick note tonight. I read Kim's update about baby Quinn and his surgery today was a success. They were pleased with the outcome. But the first 48 hours are very crucial. So we need to continue to pray for his stability and continued success.

I believe deep in my heart that God has Quinn in his hands! So just pray pray pray!

We are good here.

Quick update

I don't have much time to write tonight. Our little girl is starting to fuss and well I guess that means she wants some munchies.

I did want to email to let you all know that baby Quinn is not doing so great at the moment. I would ask that you all please remember him in your prayers over the next week. They will be doing a surgery where they band his pulmonary artery. I am sorry I don't 100% understand the procedure but it is meant, I believe, to stabilize his oxygen levels. This is a very different treatment than anything they did with Bronwyn so I am out of territory that I understand. The important thing is that he needs a lot of prayers and support. Please also remember his parents and family. Having just gone through a major surgery I can tell you that they prayers for peace and reassurance. It is my prayer that they will go into the surgery with confidence.

Kim and family were such a huge support to us.

We continue to do well and I am gaining confidence every day. Yesterday when we were out for our anniversary dinner I felt so thankful. I was quite emotional about all that God has done for us and what a wonderful little family I have. Each one of our children has enriched our lives in many ways. But I know that every parent feels this way about their children.

Oh, duty calls!

Learning to relax

I am slowly learning to relax a bit about Bronwyn's weight. Some nights she gains, sometimes she looses a bit. But on the whole she is gaining steadily. She has been gaining just above what they want her to gain. For this I am thankful.

We are doing very well. Bronwyn is smiling more and more. She really has a lovely disposition. Her brother quite likes her and wants to help with her care. But then he wants to help me do everything. Make dinner, chop vegetables, cook, clean - AGGGH!!! I try to find ways to involve him that don't involve dangerous things like heat and sharp knives. But those are the things that seem to be the most attractive.

I have been enjoying the days lately. I love fall. The clear crisp days are just so great!

Wes and I are going out tomorrow night and leaving the kids with their grandparents. We can't be gone for long as we have to get home in time to give Bronwyn her medicine. Mom and Dad offered to come in so we could go out. I couldn't figure out why and then they reminded me it is my anniversary tomorrow! Oops!

Wes and I have been married five years. So I said to Mom - Five years and two kids later - here we are! Oh dear, Gavin is crying in his bed - I better go see what's up there. Off I go.

Pictures

At times I have problems posting photos with blogger - not sure why. So here are a couple I tried to post the other day.

Fall days

I haven't written for several days as we seem to be very busy. I am happy to report that our business is no different than the business of any family with two young children. We haven't had any "real" scares or situations yet. And we have done our duty with all the medical visits last week. This week should be open for socializing.

For those of you who are wondering if I intend to keep blogging - well I do - just not as often. I started it so that I could efficiently communicate with everyone who would want keep up to date with Bronwyn's progress. Trust me I had no idea of how many people fell into this camp - and we are thankful for each and everyone of you. I found out quickly that it was an effective way to share photos and stories with family and relatives some of whom are very difficult to communicate with because of the miles that are between us. We can also keep everyone up to date with Bronwyn's progress but many of you are in a position to see us weekly or call us occasionally.

My big worry these days with Bronwyn is her weight gain. It is an ongoing and crazy process. One night she is up 100 grams the next she losses. The Doctors keep saying we are looking for steady and progressive growth over the long term not individual nights. But boy of boy how this nightly weigh in affects my attitude. If she's up I am thrilled and all is well. If she is down I am looking for signs of low oxygen levels or signs of a cold or heart failure. It is important that I keep a close eye on her and watch her symptoms but I have to learn to figure out what is real and what is fear based. I am sure the better she does over time the more confident I will get.

Gavin is doing great - he is at this moment sleeping in his own bed!! Yeah! Not sure if he will stay there - but we are please that he went down (second attempt) fairly easy. He is such a funny little guy - he keeps our spirits up. He is talking more and more too.

We are thankful for so much. For all the stress and concern we have had over the last few months we are still totally thrilled with our family and our life. Our little girl is such a great addition to our family. I couldn't have a better husband - he is a perfect match for all my imperfections - he suits me well.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and may God bless you all as richly as he has our family.

A fairly normal family

I can't claim to be a totally normal family - that would just be a lie! But we are doing very well. Our biggest struggle since we arrived home was getting settled in and finding places for everything. We had not anticipated being discharged from Edmonton so we needed to go get a bassinet for Bronwyn to sleep in. We set it up beside our bed - Gavin pushes it over to the bed and climbs on the bed and then proceeds to "help" Bronwyn. SCARY! She has survived surgery but I am not sure she will survive her brother.

When I take her out of the bassinet he throws himself into it! He has to try all of her things. We had a melt down last night when we wouldn't let him get into her little plastic tub. I really don't see how he would fit! So as you can see my issues at home (knock on wood) are no different than any parent who has a new born and a two year old. What an amazing blessing this is!

Bronwyn saw her cardiologist yesterday and she was very happy with her. We are so thrilled that she is doing so well. Everyone in the medical community is so surprised by how she is doing. Of course we aren't because we know that God is behind her recovery.

Both kids are napping at the moment. Gavin is having a short nap - he has been staying up very late and refusing to sleep in his room. Who needs more than one bedroom. He is running us ragged - so I am going to try cutting his nap short to see if he will wear out a bit earlier tonight. If this is the worst side effect of having a new baby in the house I'll take it. He really is so good with her.

Bronwyn sees our family doctor tomorrow so after that she should be caught up we can start getting into a routine here.

Baby Quinn had his procedure yesterday - I think they put a stint in his septum. I find this stuff all quite hard to understand. But I sure am glad that there are men and women who have devoted their lives to making sense of it. The Doctor is very happy with how it went and they are hopeful that this will by him the time he needs for a heart to come available. So please keep praying for them. I honestly can't think of anything worse than the waiting! Kim and Ben are amazing in their strength and courage.

God Bless you all and thank you for your continued prayers!

Life starts again

So here we are at home. I feel like we are just resuming our life - that we pressed the pause button for a couple months and are now just trying to get organized and back into the swing of things.

Gavin is in his crib at the moment yelling "Why, whywhywhywhy!!!" This is what he yells now when he doesn't want to go to bed. We weighed Bronwyn tonight and she hasn't gained enough weight over the last couple days. I hope it is just the transition to home and that she will start gaining again tomorrow like she was in the hospital.

We went to church this morning and saw so many of our friends and family. It was the first time Uncle Jon and Auntie Cindy were able to see Bronwyn. Robbie and Carissa were quite impressed with her - Carissa more than Robbie. He came up and asked me - Who is this?

It feels so great to be home amongst our friends and support people. We of course are also thankful for all our friends who have been supporting us from afar. We appreciate your concern and love very much.

Tonight I would like to ask that you all think of baby Quinn in the morning. He is having a procedure to help stabilize his oxygen levels and his heart. Please pray that all goes well and that he will recover well. The best thing at this point would be for a heart to be available so that they don't have to consider other treatment options that would be headed down a different road.

Our house is a disaster at the moment as we have moved everything back in from Edmonton but even with that it is great to be here.