So Tired

Why is it that by Friday evening everyone is so exhausted. Maybe we should have 2 work days and then a break and three work days and then one day off? Well it would likely be a scheduling nightmare.

We were over to see Cadence (Bronwyn's best girlfriend) the other day and had a very nice time. The girls played very nicely together. Gavin too!

Two year olds will drive you crazy

I am finding Gavin a bit of a handful these days. On one hand I am in total awe of what he is learning and all the clever and cute things he does. On the other hand I am finding it hard to assert my authority and get him to listen. I don't know how many times a day lately I say "Gavin, Gavin, Gavin (it takes three tries to get his attention) you must start listening to me!"

Don't get me wrong - I love the fact that he is independent and strong willed - these are great characteristics. He just needs to learn where to apply them. Today, while at Grandma and Pop's house he hit his sister and boy was I angry. I went to grab him but he ran around kitchen island and stood behind his Grandma. I crossed my arms and said "Gavin come here," really sternly. He looked at me and then at Grandma. He then pointed at me and said, "Scary." I had to turn around so he wouldn't see me laugh. Two year olds!

The other day I was in the car with the kids (I was driving - no panic there) and we were chatting. I often tell Gavin he is my best boy. He announces to other kids in the park or pretty much anyone that he is "best boy." He was in the back seat discussing how he is the best boy. We started a conversation that went like this:

Me - Is Daddy the best boy?
Gavin - No.

Me - Daddy is the best daddy.

Gavin - Daddy best daddy.

Me - Is Bronwyn the best boy?

Gavin - No. Bronwa is the best gwerl (I love how he says girl).

Me - Yeah - Bronwyn is the best girl. Is Gavin the best boy?

Gavin - Yes! Gavin best boy.

Me - Is Mommy the best boy?

Gavin - No.

Me - Mommy is the best...

Gavin - Orange.

Whatever!

So I guess it is mother's day

I woke up this morning with a bed full of children and of course my husband. Most days it would have been vaguely annoying that my offspring wont sleep in their own beds but today it was sort of sweet. After all what greater joy for a Mom than to wake up with her little one right with her.

It is funny I don't really feel like celebrating "me" today, although someone suggested I should be nominated mother of the year (oh, wait, that was me talking to myself when I was cranky with my family - erase that!).

My thoughts this mother's day are focused on the great legacy my mother and both of my grandmothers left for me.

I won't go into the details of why they mean so much to me. But I will say this - I seriously doubt I would have been able to get through most of our ordeal over this last year without their example.

They have been examples of great strength, courage, faith and love. All things I needed to draw on last fall. There were times when I know my own strength wasn't enough - I need my mother to support and uphold me. While my mother was able to physically do this I believe that my Grandmothers by their example and their strength of spirit propped up my will and buoyed my spirit.

I know this is not particularly original. Most people I know can share similar stories. This year more than any other Mother's day means a lot to me for the very reason I have shared.

Today has been a day of reflection for me and I hope I can show my Mom how much I value her everyday not just today. As my brother said earlier today "Every day is mother's day at their house." (Ahem).

Not much news

We have had a good week - trucking along. It has been very busy and the weather has been super.

Gavin has had a super time this week. He loves "friends" now and he talks about friends a lot. Of course, everyone we see is a friend whether we know them or not. The elderly lady walking through the park the other day was greeted with "Hi friend."

I am sure they have both done a million cute things this week but I am too tired to remember.

We were at the park today with a "friend" Eric. Eric also brought his mom and sister too. It was a great outting.

A new week

Last week was just yucky for me. I was feeling sick, for the first part of the week and the second part of the week it rained and rained. By Saturday I was tired frustrated and well a really impatient mommy and wife. I was not my best self by the end of the week.

But you know today is a new day and the start of a new week. It is beautiful out today and we went to a church picnic after church and it was great fun. Gavin had a blast. You know, there is really not much more enjoyable than watching a bunch of kids of all different ages running around in a park having a great time (whether you are a parent or not).

Gavin was chumming with Sophie - it was so cute. Bronwyn well she just sort of keeps to herself - she isn't as social - mainly because she can't crawl yet. She is working on that though - really really hard! She wants to crawl and get around. I am a bit afraid of what my life will look like once she is mobile. We are however thrilled as she doesn't seem to have any significant delays even after everything she has been through.

Here are some pictures from the past week. Actually as I look back over the pictures it wasn't all that bad - maybe it was just my attitude that was bad (ha - like I'd admit that).

So I guess Gavin is also a hack

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I don't usually get lucky and catch such cute moments on video.

We are doing fine. I am sick - yuck! Bronwyn had an appointment today with the thrombosis team (blot clots). All is well there. Gavin had Grandma and Pops for a visit while I went to the hospital with the girl.

I have been feeling for the first time in almost a year that life is starting to get more normal and settle into a pattern. Part of me doesn't want to totally relax fearing what might pop up if I do. But the rational side of me is just so grateful to have some normalcy. Really normal is a privilege, a privilege I used to take for granted.

Grandma is the boss

Apparently Mommy is not quite the top boss. I discovered this the other day when having a "discussion" (argument) with my son. We had been outside and he came in reluctantly and started to make demands once indoors. Here is how it went.

me - Do you want water?

Gavin - I want izecream.

me - no.

Gavin - izecream.

me - no not now, maybe later when Dad gets home. You can have frozen yogurt now.

Gavin - (by now eating his frozen yogurt) izecream too.

me - not now.

Gavin - go freezer izecream.

me - no (still remarkable calm - as you can imagine)

Gavin - izecream NOW!

me - no. And you do not talk to your mom like that.

Gavin - Lemme talk to Gamma!

What are you going to do!

A big cheer for moms

The other day I received a complement from a friend who reads my blog. I don't want to embarrass her so I wont tell you that it was Shannon Lappin - oops! Shannon (well the cats out of the bag anyhow), said that reading my blog makes her feel normal. I understood that she meant that my life sounded like hers, not that her life sounded normal in comparison to mine.

I found this truly flattering. I guess this was so meaningful to me for two reasons. Number one - Shannon is one of the mom's I admire most and because I have a secret agenda in life (not just the blog). I think as mothers we spend to much time trying to live up to standards that are unachievable and unrealistic. I feel like we are fine until we have kids and then we expect ourselves to be perfect all the time.

Now I do understand that when it comes to raising children the stakes are high and that our children deserve the best parents possible. But do we really achieve this by being hard on ourselves or expecting perfection!

We all struggle with something. Some of us have children who always seem to be two steps ahead of us. (That is likely, as my mother likes to point out, because her grandchildren are much smarter than her kids were). Some of us gained huge amounts of weight after we had our babies. Some of us had a two year old who still had a bottle. Some of us have kids who watch way to much TV. Some mom's have a really hard time nursing their babies. Some of our kids are small or even worse talk late. All of these issues are things that can make us feel inadequate.

When you think of it though, most of these problems do not become serious issues. I don't think my parents were perfect and yet I seemed to turn out OK (alright enough of the backtalk). I think we need to all give ourselves a collective break. The important thing is that our kids learn values and that they learn to be people that give more to the world than they take.

If this blog has given me the chance to share my life with others and share my imperfections and struggles, and this is helpful to others, well - that is a good thing in my books.

So Hurray for Mom's everywhere - perfect or not!

Mozart was a hack...

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compared to my little musician. Ha just kidding. I'm not that delusional.

We are doing well - still working at getting the girl to sleep in her crib. Gavin and I took a break on the toilet training thing. Anyone who is willing to toilet train while a kid is on antibiotics is way braver than me.

I do wish it would stop snowing!

Something hit me

I was watching TV and saw yearbook photos of the students that were killed in Virginia. I then thought about the pictures I just posted. The families of the victims likely have albums full of the kind of pictures I just posted. What a tragedy!

I guess it shows us we need to love our children and our families while we can.

Some time outside

I am sooooo happy it is spring. I know we are getting bad weather tomorrow but it won't last! It is just so great to take the kids out and not have to bundle them so they can't move!

Don't you just start to have more energy and feel better when it is spring?

Just a quick note

I wanted to let everyone know that we are doing well. Bronwyn has been coughing tonight and sounds pretty congested. I am just hoping she doesn't get what her brother had. Cross our fingers. Other than that we are doing great.

The weather is finally improving and I had the kids outside for quite a while this afternoon. Yeah for spring.

I wanted to sit down and write a very thought provoking blog because I have so many ideas that are just swimming in my mind. There has been so much happen to us and to those we love in the last week or so and it has caused me to do a great deal of soul searching. But when it comes down to it I am not sure I can bottle my thoughts.

I just want to let our friends out there who may be struggling with sorrow, unfulfilled promises and setbacks in life to just know that we love you all.

Finally, I'd like to ask for special prayers for Quinn. I know God loves this little man and his family.

Wow what a week

It has been quite a busy week for us. Gavin wasn't feeling very well last Thursday and Friday - but then he seemed to perk up Saturday. So Mom and I started out with the kids for Estevan. We stopped in Swift Current and Gavin had a bad night again - bad fever and a lot of whining and complaining.

We carried on and on Sunday when we arrived in Estevan I called to see if there was a clinic at the hospital as I saw spots at the back of his throat. They directed me to the emergency room at 8 pm when a doctor was scheduled. He looked at Gavin and said is was just a cold.

That night Gavin was no better - high fever and much complaining. The next day (the day of Grandpa's funeral) he did OK, but he definitely wasn't himself. Monday night same drill. We decided Tuesday morning to travel with Dad, Jon and Shibu and see how far we could get. We got all the way to Langdon - the kids did great, but the last hour was a nightmare! Jon drove my car for me - don't think he'll be doing that again soon.

I got Gavin into see his doctor on Wednesday afternoon and he has strep throat and the makings of an ear infection. Poor little guy! POOR MOMMY!

The funeral was lovely. I felt it was a lovely tribute to a man that I saw as invincible. He was a man of faith to the end and it showed in the lives of his children and grandchildren.

Sheena arrived yesterday, as she had a book signing and launch in Calgary. It was great to spend time with her here in Alberta - she loves Alberta it brings out the best in her.

So the agenda for now is catch up on sleep and get the kids healthy.

Time for reflection

I was in the middle of writing a post describing my trip with Bronwyn to visit my Grandpa Bailey when I got a call that he had passed away.

So for now lets just say - I loved him as many of you who read this blog also did.

God Bless and God speed Grandpa!

I am a nerd

But the important thing is that I know it. I have to admit that I have always been a nerd. Navigating my nerdiness has been my life's work. It has been particularly hard since I have often had very cool friends. One of my friends always prefaces every story she tells with "You'll get a kick out of this, well I think you will."

Today I had an experience that drove home just how "uncool" I am.

I was driving with the kids out to see Gramma and Pops. I was playing a CD for Gavin. It is a cd that Pops made for him. He found a way to copy an old record that he had onto a cd. It is an old children's record by Roger Whittaker. I found myself almost in tears listening to my son sing along with songs that I remember from my childhood.

Now that story should have shown that I am sappy not nerdy - except did you read it closely - we were listening to Roger Whittaker. I am, I have to admit, a Roger Whittaker fan. I am not proud of it but it is undeniable I have liked his singing and music most of my life.

What chance do I have at being cool!!

Oh, well - one super cool thing that happened this week is that we stopped giving Bronwyn shots twice a day. Now her meds are all oral meds.

So I may not be cool, but so far my kids are. (Not to mention my husband - he is the definition of cool!)

I'm giving this a try

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Several of the blogs that I like to frequent have been posting videos. I haven't had the time to figure out how to do it yet - but I decided the other day I better try it.

So here it goes.

I just remembered

There was one important thing I forgot to mention yesterday when I wrote my post. Bronwyn has cut her first teeth. I say teeth because the two bottom teeth are coming in together. She is very tired and a bit cranky this evening - she had her immunizations today. How come a visit to the health nurse not only makes the babies cranky but mommy too?

I also wanted to include these pictures of Gavin painting. He has been asking to paint and pretending to paint for months now. I just wasn't ready to face the whole thing until today. I think we have discovered our son's passion. He was absolutely thrilled! I have been so reluctant to face the mess that comes with it - and then it hit me - I was being a bit hypocritical since every piece of clothing I owned in high school had paint on it. If my Mom could put up with it - so could I.

So he now paints. It is just an issue of convincing him to only paint on paper.

I don't believe them

This week has been a pretty intense week of tests for Bronwyn. She had a VCUG (a test for her bladder reflux) yesterday, and ultrasound today and she gets her 4 month immunizations tomorrow. The test yesterday they actually strapped her down to a table and then did other horrible things before taking x-rays.

She is always very upset. Often the techs and nurses say things like - She won't remember. I feel like correcting them. She may not have "memories" but she does remember. You can't convince me she doesn't remember. Anyone who has seen the look on her face when she sees someone in a long white coat would agree that she remembers.

The best way of describing what I mean is to tell a little story. For a very long time I hated Waterton National Park. Couldn't tell you why but I just hated it and I never wanted to go back. I grew up near Jasper and I have a real affection for the mountains so it was strange that I felt this way. And even stranger I didn't know why. Then one day a couple of years ago (20 years or so after the incident) I remembered why.

When I was very young (11 ish or so) we went to Waterton for a family reunion (my Grandma's side). Almost all of Great Aunt Annie and Great Aunt Signe families were there as well as all of our crowd. At some point someone decided that we should all go for a bike ride on these funny 2 person bikes they had there. They were side-by-side jobbies and not the usual tandem bikes you see.

Whoever had taken charge also decided it was a good idea to send two of the youngest kids out together. So Angela (2nd cousin on Signe's side), who was younger than me, went out with me in this fairly large metal framed monstrosity of a bike. It was super hard to control and eventually we hit a car. We did what any young offender might do - we looked around to see if anyone saw and we beetled out of there as fast as we could. It was a small dent that we left and in retrospect I am not even sure the car owner would have noticed. But I was CONVINCED that the police were going to come get me. The guilt and shame I felt over this incident had followed me through the years manifesting itself in a fear and hatred of Waterton.

Once I realized this it all seemed quite manageable and I stopped hating the place and would quite happily go there now.

Moral of the story is not that I think Bronwyn will wake up in her twenties and remember repressed memories of her first year and all the horrible things that happened. But I do believe she carries forward some of the fear and baggage of getting poked, prodded and bothered with.

So don't tell me she won't remember - that doesn't help!

Having said that I think one of the tests had a positive result, which I am just waiting to confirm. If it is good then I can stop giving her the needles. That would be great.

And we are after all so very thankful for all the medical care that we have received. We are daily thankful to have our girl.

Plugging along

We are just plugging along. Nothing new to report in fact I have to run and do Bronwyn's meds. I also have to wake the kids up - lazy little so-and-sos. Actually Gavin was awake earlier but I convinced him to go back to sleep as he had a pretty late night last night.

Must go - we hope this note finds everyone we love well and good.

Wow was I mortified

I took the kids over to Mom and Dad's this morning. Gavin loves going to Gamma and Pop's house. He calls it the "big house."

The day started well - Gavin was playing on Dad's laptop at the table and I was chatting with Mom and Dad over coffee. I heard a funny clicking noise but when I looked he seemed to be doing just fine. And yet I kept hearing the funny noise. Finally I got up and checked on him. He was carefully and systematically removing the tops of the keys! You know the part of the key that tells you what you are pressing!

I totally flipped and Dad came and started to figure out how it should go back together. Of course you don't really remember where the "home" & "page up" button" go. Thank heavens he hadn't removed all of the keys yet.

My Dad assured me that he took many things apart when he was a child and that his parents were constantly frustrated with dismantled clocks etc.

Gavin couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about - he was just "fikking it."

Things I miss

I already have some regrets as a parent. I regret that my son is growing up so quickly. I regret that so many of the cute things he does through the day give way to different cute things.

For example - he use to say fick (fix), and goggy (doggy), and naske (snake) - now he says all of them properly. Thankfully he still says bargage (garbage) and halcum (your welcome). So I guess I can't say I regret it as new wonders replace the old ones.

It has been a busy week for us though. The time change stinks!

My Grandpa and my brother Tom had their birthdays today. Also my nephew, Jared, turned 13 since my last post. That is so shocking to me as I remember him so vividly when he was Gavin's age - he was soooo cute.

Wes was working on his husband of the year award on Saturday. I have been so tired lately and on Saturday he took the kids out so that I could sleep for an hour or so. That helped so much I almost felt human again.

We have nothing new to report and nothing to admit (well I should think twice about that one).

We argue all the time

So the latest thing with Gavin is he loves to argue. It doesn't matter over what and how factual the argument happens to be - what a Bailey!

Here is how one of our latest conversations went:
G- Mommy whats this?
M- It is a swimsuit.
G- No, not a swimuit.
M- Yes, it is a swimsuit.
G- No, no swimuit.
M- OK then, it is not a swimsuit - what is it?
G- Soup.
M- Oh, it is soup.
G- No, its a swimuit.
M- Alright then!

So you see it is all about the ability to say No to Mommy. This is part of his endeavour to work his world so it is best for him. At dinner tonight he wasn't eating his food (odd for him). He stood in his chair and said "All done - izcream." I said "No - you haven't even touched your food." He bent down put his hand on his food and said "Touch, touch."

Bronwyn is still doing great - she slept almost 4 1/2 hours in her own bed last night - a record since her surgery! She is getting so chatty and smiley. It is so fun to watch her blossom into a little missy.

Wes and I keep trudging on, hoping for more sleep.

Check up day

Bronwyn had an echo and an appointment with her cardiologist today. They were all completely amazed at how well she had done. Dr. Harder figured that being released 5 days after heart surgery has to be some sort of record. The doctor said at one point, "She just seems to be ignoring her heart condition." If you don't know what her issues are you would never guess. I was just so thrilled that everything looked so good today.

I was also relieved because the Dr. assured me that the sleeping issue was a post surgery thing and it would get better in a couple weeks. IF I MAKE IT! She also said that in a couple weeks we can let her cry like a normal baby! Whoo hoo - did you hear that little girl - you know longer hold us hostage! What am I saying I was lousy at letting Gavin cry. For all my tough talk I am a bit of a push-over.

Bronwyn is eating solids now. She is really aggressive about her food - she just loves eating! Now that's my girl!

One another front - I'd like to welcome our new Spanish readers (I think it's Spanish) - but FYI I don't speak Spanish. In fact I am horrible monolingual. Even after years of our education system and government exposing me to the lovely French language I am ashamed to admit that my French is non-existent. It isn't like riding a bike - you do forget!

I do however have a couple of very useful tactics I can share. When I meet someone who doesn't speak English I have (and trust me this really works) found that if I raise my voice to something slightly softer than a yell and gesture wildly with my arms I am able to get my point across. The other technique I use is for situations where I am speaking to someone who speaks English but with a very heavy accent, making it hard to understand. In this scenario I make an O shape with my mouth, squint my eyes and stare dumbly like they are speaking a different language. This one is particularly effective when talking with customs officers.

However, neither of these very useful tips works when blogging. I could go to the bother of getting a dictionary and translating but I am basically lazy so it is not going to happen.

A day trip

I have through all of this experience tried to keep our lives fairly normal and not be too influenced by Bronwyn's illness. This hasn't been easy however, that is why yesterday was so enjoyable.

We went to Banff with the kids to meet up with my best friend Alison and her family. She was there for a conference. We just had a blast and it was a great day to just get away for a few hours and pretend that we are just a normal family (again as normal as any family of mine could be).

Ali and Darren have a daughter, Aleya, who is 3 and a little (ahem) boy, Austin, who is about 2 weeks younger than Bronwyn. Any time we have been together thus far Gavin and Aleya have really enjoyed each other and it looks like Bronwyn and Austin hit it off too.

At the restaurant we were at Gavin and Aleya decided that they should dance together. It was so funny. Aleya is quite a good dancer, which is amazing because I have seen her mother dance - ha sorry Al. They were having a great time but they were getting in everyone's way.

We just enjoyed our visit so much. I have to say I am so proud of Alison and Darren. They are such excellent parents and have been such great friends to us. Alison has been a wonderful support to me through this latest struggle as well as many others in my life.

We love you guys and miss you!

I am so tired

I won't often admit this - but I am absolutely bone tired today. I think Bronwyn has decided to gain back all the weight she lost in 2 nights. Wes was howling at me the other night because I brought her to bed to feed her at some point (no memory of when). I fell asleep while she was nursing. Later on she decided to eat more and she just rolled over and latched on again - I woke up with a start and said "Where did you come from?" I couldn't figure out how she got there or how long she had been there. I am hoping that she is feeling full tonight and will sleep a bit longer.

A friend of mine (you know who you are) told me the other day that I am looking more and more maternal in all the pictures - I assured her its the lack of sleep. I then told her that you wake up one day and your focus is totally changed - there are moments when this really hits you hard.

For example: I have never been what I would call "plugged in" to pop culture, but I think I have hit an all time low. When we were in Edmonton I told Mom and Dad that I wanted to watch Oprah that day. I am not a big Oprah fan, I don't mind it - I just can take it or leave it. But this day I really wanted to see it. Why? Because she was having Daniel Cook on her show. When the celebrity that you are most interested in is a 9 year old from Treehouse you can suddenly feel pretty pathetic!

I know a lot of Mom's out there who are plenty cool so this is no way a reflection of motherhood in general - just the sad state of affairs in this household.

Best run the girl is cranking up!

Ahhhhh home

It is so nice to be home. Bronwyn seems to be doing pretty well so far. Gavin isn't so happy though. He asked for Mamma and Pop many many times today and kept bringing me my shoes and saying "car, car." I am afraid that he got used to be doted on hand an foot by two loving Grandparents - how can a mom compete with that (particularly a mom who is quite concerned about another child's health). He'll adjust though - he always does. And the good news is that his favourite people on earth (his grandparents) live close by.

Last night I was reading him stories in his bed and he took my hand and put his hands around a two of my fingers and started moving them back and forth like scissors. He then took my finger/scissors and started pinching my nose with them. I asked him what he was doing. He said - Alligator bite! - What can you say?

Bronwyn had a visit from her good buddy Cadence today. They were dressed alike - you know best friends do that!

We are home

Just a real quick note to say we arrived home safe and sound. I am so unbelievably tired. I think around Airdrie I started to feel close to home and a huge wave of tiredness (is that a word?) hit me.

I wanted to post a pictures - but not of my little rascals. I wanted to post a picture of Quinn. So many of you have prayed for him and continue to remember him and his family. He was the best roommate we ever had and he is so darn cute. His older sister Hannah is amazingly cute too!

So here is Quinn with his Mommy - Kim. You should see his eyelashes - they are soooo long.

We wish you all a very good night as that is what we hope to have on our end.

Mom is less grumpy today

But I am very very tired. I had a much better night last night at the hospital because I didn't have a roommate. The nurse, who had been Bronwyn's nurse the night before, redirected a patient that was supposed to be put in Bronwyn's room. She told them to put the patient in another available room because she felt that Mom needed a rest. I could have kissed her! Seriously!

We are at the condo - yes all of us. We are coming home tomorrow morning. Dr. Rebeyka walked by Bronwyn's room today and asked - Why is she still here? After I heard that I was hot to trot to track down the doctor on call so we could be released. My one regret is that we got a new roommate just as we were being released - it was baby Quinn. Now that is a roommate I would have loved! I was almost disappointed that I wasn't staying one more night so I could bond with him. Kim and Ben (Quinn's parents) have been such a great support to us and we wish them all the blessings that God can give.

Again, I have to say, bad roommate experience aside we are so thrilled for the wonderful care and skill of the people at the Stollery. Our daughter has done much better than expected and she charmed and won the hearts of everyone who cared for her. Mostly I am just so overwhelmed when I think of what God has done for us. I am so very grateful that he has seen us through yet another scary time. You should see me trying to sing Jesus loves the little children - I become such a mess.

Mom and Dad have been so amazing. We couldn't ask for better support. We will be eternally grateful for their care and love.

Thanks again to all of you who have prayed and wished us well. We are so sure that the multitude of prayers has been answered with abundance. As well thank you to all the Churches of Christ across western Canada that have been praying for her.

Mom is grumpy today

Many times through this process people have told us how well we have handled the situation. I always say "We don't have a choice." I also add that I haven't met any parents who haven't been handling it well and most people just do what they have to do. Well, I guess I finally met parents who seem to be unable to handle it. In fact I shared a room with them last night. Their little guy had a fairly non-invasive procedure but their son was the only patients in the hospital.

I will not gripe to much about my awful night but I will tell this one funny story. The mom was chatting with the Doctor about sedating her son because he couldn't sleep because of all the noise (that would be me). I wasn't supposed to be listening but what can I say I was 7 feet away. Anyhow, they were discussing the sedative and finally the doctor suggested that it might do her son more good if she took the sedative not him. I nearly peed my pants trying not to laugh.

They have been discharged which is great! Never been so happy to see the back of anyone.

On the upside, Dr. Rebeyka was by today and was saying just how great Bronwyn was doing and how rare it is to look at sending a 2nd stage Norwood baby home so soon after surgery. We are just so disgustingly proud of our girl. The cardiologist was laughing because she just stares at him when he comes to talk with us. If he moves she follows him with her eyes. I told him that it is the white coat. Those people who wear white coats do things to her - poke her etc.

We hope to be home soon - thanks again for all your love and support.

We are upstairs

Bronwyn was moved yesterday late afternoon to the Cardiology ward. I stayed with her last night as she is nursing. Have I mentioned before just how much I love staying at the hospital! Yippee. Anyhow - I love my girl that should get me through.

They are talking about possibly sending us home early next week. That is provided all goes well over the weekend. They did discover a blood clot in her neck (from the IV). This happened after the first surgery too. It just means that we need to keep giving her the needles she was getting before surgery.

They were calling her the super star on rounds this morning. Of course she's a superstar! Well that and she has the best pediatric cardiac surgeon in the world (this never hurts I suppose).

I'd be thrilled to my toes if I was so horribly tired. Have I mentioned I hate sleeping in hospitals. I was so pleased last night when I got back to her room because her night nurse was one of my favourite nurses from her visit last time. It was so wonderful to see a familiar face let alone such a wonderful nurse.

Sorry I haven't had photos in a while - I will try to get some posted soon.

Our girl is great

Bronwyn is doing such a great job of her recovery. We are just so proud of her. She has been eating since yesterday and I was able to nurse her a bit today. That went well so we are hoping that we can just pick up where we left off shortly. The PICU isn't a great place for nursing your baby but once we are moved to the ward it should get easier. She would have been moved upstairs today if they had a bed but we are hoping they will have a space for her tomorrow.

As I write this Gavin is helping me by holding a flashlight up to the monitor! Wow what a helper.

I thought that now that the smoke has cleared a bit I would share some thoughts on one of the hardest parts of this process. I think most parents in similar situations would agree that physically handing your child over to the nurse to take her into surgery is likely the toughest thing you will ever do. Many parents go with their child while they are put under - I did this for her MRI and I decided that this wasn't something I wanted to do again until she was older.

I have thought about this a fair bit and I think that the moment that you pass your child over for major surgery is all about faith. Yes it is about faith in God which is in someways is the easiest. It is also about faith in people - faith in the nurses, the doctor's, the equipment, in the health system. You feel like you are stepping off a cliff but you don't know how far down the ground is or if there is water or dirt at the bottom. Your mind and logic have to override your instincts which say to keep your baby safe from harm. The rational side of you has to work hard to control and convince your mothering side to just let go and it will all be OK.

I am sharing this not to upset everyone but I know many of you have done similar things and it isn't easy and I don't want to pretend that it is. But I can say that in our situation the results of this faith has been very rewarding. We thank God for protecting our girl and we are so grateful for every day that she does well.

Just a funny note

We are doing well. Bronwyn ate well this afternoon when they gave her a bottle. They are weaning her off her meds and her various IV's quickly. This is a much faster process than the last operation.

We took Gavin to see Bronwyn this evening. I thought it would help him to understand why she isn't coming home. As you walk into the PICU they have lino stars in the floor (I had never noticed before this evening). Gavin saw the stars and started singing "twinkle twinkle little star" - or "tinko tinko ito tar" (as he says it). He was singing quite loudly. All the staff that we passed by stopped to see who was singing - he is shorter than all the equipment so he was hard to see. As we got close to Bronwyn's area we passed by a meeting of doctors and nurses. He continued to sing as we walked by everyone. He sang until he was done the song. Everyone was so amused. They all stopped every conversation and just listened and joked about Gavin and his singing. I over-heard one of the doctors say "Well, that just made my day!"

What a cutie! I'll say it even though I am biased.

So far so good

We are crossing our fingers because Bronwyn is doing really well so far. The nurse was concerned because she has noticed that Bronwyn has a temper. We told her that this was nothing new. She also said that she thinks our girl has a lot of "attitude". Well, have you met her mother!

They took the breathing tube out this morning and she is doing very well with that change. They are going to try bottle feeding her this afternoon. I thought they would tube feed her first so I am thrilled that we might skip that step.

It is very hard to do updates right now because Gavin is very enthusiastic about the "pooter," so Mommy doesn't get much of a turn.

I am also happy to report that we have seen baby Quinn and he is doing great. We have also seen another family, and their daughter, that we met when we were here last time - so it is almost a party!

Again we want to thank you all for your prayers and support. This has been quite the ride and we will always be extremely thankful for all the love that has surrounded us. You are all so very wonderful and we thank God daily for the support.

Bronwyn pulled through

Once again our girl has pulled through in great shape. We didn't get to talk to the surgeon yet - but so far all the reports are extremely positive. We left her for a while as she is still heavily sedated. So far so good.

The Dr. we talked to was very optimistic about how the surgery went. I have a few questions to ask Dr. Rebeyka about the surgery and if they addressed some other issues that they had earlier been concerned about.

We will keep you all posted. But for now we are very relieved and looking forward to her recovery and return home.

Quick note

Surgery will be on Tuesday.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers

We have a date... sort of

We are leaving for Edmonton tomorrow. Bronwyn is to have her pre-admittance visit Friday with the chance of having her surgery on Monday. If she gets bumped from Monday's spot they will do her surgery some time next week. We received the phone call this morning so it isn't much notice.

I can't write long because both my children are being high maintenance today. I will keep you updated.

Things that go bump in the night

We are still waiting to hear about a surgery date. We are all tired today.

I was disrupted from slumber early this morning. I heard a loud and unusual bang. I jumped up thinking someone had knocked something over. I check Bronwyn first - she was fine. I checked Gavin next - he was fine. I then went into the hall way and turned the light on. By that point Wes was awake and joined me. I was also now awake enough to identify that the noise sounded like a crowbar hitting concrete.

If it was concrete the area of concern is the basement. I thought - if I was a burglar and I had made such a loud bang - I would leave quickly and go straight to the nearest career office to reconsider my options. So I figured that since I had not heard any other noises we were OK in that regard.

We also have a very shaky drier and things frequently fall off of it - making disturbing bumps from the deep. But it was not running.

My next question was, "Wes did you leave something heavy like a crowbar hanging somewhere where it could drop?" He looked concerned and said - "Oh, yes - I think I know what it was." I responded, "Do you want to check?" He responded, (sorry for all the responding) "No it is fine I am pretty sure I know what it was."

We then all returned to bed - of course the commotion in the hallway had caused our oldest child to wake up and he insisted on coming to bed with us too.

Moral of the story? I guess - don't go to bed too late? I don't know - some stories just don't have a moral or even a point.

Hanging out

Today is a pajama day. We are just having a low key, TV watching, sit and relax sort of day. We even had chicken noodle soup for lunch. An old fashioned comfort day. We had a pretty crazy weekend so we are just taking it easy today. We are all doing well. I thought I was coming down with the house cold on Saturday but thankfully it seems to have passed me by.

You would all be really quite shocked at how normal my life with the kids is. There are a few odd things of course- like the fact that I have the pharmacy on speed dial - but on the whole we have an average existence. I actually make a point of not trying to obsess about Bronwyn's condition - which sometimes is easier than others. Today it was easy - she is such a sweet girl and it can be so easy to forget that she has such a serious condition. While I was holding her today she sat with her tongue out and a silly grin on her face - wow is she like her dad! Ha.

Gavin's new favourite song is "The Wheel's on the bus". Take it from Mommy this song NEVER gets old. Just super!

I am fairly careful not to see brilliance and brag about it in my kids - but I dunno he really does seem to be fairly artistic. He very intentionally draws, of course it looks nothing like what he says it is but he is trying to draw things. Of course Mommy ends up looking dumb because she can't tell what it is! Silly Mommy - as Gavin says.

So you see my life is very much the life of your average Mom of two kids - I just have more of a reason when I jump up in the night and check her heart rate (admit it - you do it too).

For now we sit at home living our average life waiting for a new surgery date.

Happy 40th Jonny

Today is my brother's 40th birthday - holy smackers that is old and to think you don't look a day over 39!

Happy birthday Jon (or as Robbie says - brudder).

Sunny day

Wow it is amazing what a sunny nice day can do for your spirits. It is a bit too windy to take Bronwyn out for a walk but it is beautiful. We were just out to Hope's for lunch. Gavin played outside with Hunter for a while. That has been one of my biggest challenges get outside time for Gavin in a way that fits with Bronwyn's needs. Mel and Cadence were there too - so it was a house full of kids and babies - whooo hooo.

Bronwyn seems to be symptom free so I am just starting to count down now. She loves to chew on her toes - changing her diaper is difficult because as soon as it comes off up her feet go and she has a hand around each foot and her big toe in her mouth. So cute! Gavin never did that - I think he was too chubby!

Well - I best go the little one is stirring.

In waiting

For now we are just hanging out waiting for Bronwyn to be symptom free. She really hasn't been very sick at all - just a touch of a cold. I hope tomorrow that she will be pretty free and clear so I can start counting out the days.

I was waiting until we got back to Edmonton so I could give an update on Quinn. I was hoping I'd have a chance to see him and report on my own findings - but alas that has to wait. The word I have from his Mom however, is that his heart is holding strong. He is running into some bumps on the road to recovery - but this is apparently quite normal for a little guy who has waited so long for a heart. We just continue to pray for him and for all the doctors who are caring for him.

The other person I have been thinking about this weekend is my Grandpa Bailey. He is moving into an old folks home in Midale tomorrow. Aunt Mary has been looking after him since my Grandma passed away. I could write for a long time on just how amazing my Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill have been - but those of you who know them understand. Lets just say I am so proud of them for caring for Grandpa's physical and emotional needs so well. I am also very proud that they had the strength to make the choice to move him when his needs required it.

One of my favourite mental images of my Grandpa is him sitting in a chair upright, slightly leaning forward with the newspaper in his hand and a pencil as he worked on the crossword puzzle. Often his tongue would be sticking out the side of his mouth as he worked it out. My Grandpa had a keen intellect and a love of people and God. He is an absolute tower of strength and wisdom in my world as well as a source of great joy.

I love you Grandpa!

To clarify

My last post was so brief that I realize now that many of you are unsure or where we are or what happened.

We are in Calgary - we were literally an hour or so away from leaving when I phoned the coordinator in Edmonton. When I said Bronwyn was getting a bit of a cold they cancelled her surgery immediately. There wasn't any questions of how bad or when it started - it was immediate - no surgery.

We now have to wait and call them back when she has been symptom free for a week. Then they will rebook with in the next couple weeks.

The important thing is that her overall health is great and she can sustain this wait. I was of course discouraged but I am now much more rational about it. It felt like a set back at first but now considering how sick we all are here it is a blessing. We will all (particularly Wes & I) be able to handle surgery and everything it entails better if we are all healthy and on the top of our game.

I have rarely through this process felt so overwhelmed that I just couldn't face one more problem. When we first found out about her condition I felt that way and when I couldn't hold her for the first couple days I felt that way too. But as in both of those situations yesterday God provided the help and support that I required to handle what was on my plate. Whether it was a well timed call from a couple supporting and loving friends or the amazing support of my parents and family - God had it covered. I occasionally feel so overwhelmed at how incredibly lucky I am to be surrounded by such care and concern.

We (me and my tapeworm) are good and once again in a better frame of mind.

False start

Bronwyn has Gavin's cold - her surgery has been postponed. At the moment I feel devastated. I need some time and some sleep to feel better about this.

I also need some coffee!

Here we go... again

Well tomorrow I head off to Edmonton with the kids. My parents are going with me tomorrow. Wes will follow at some point this weekend. It is a familiar trip and yet a very different experience this time.

Last time when we headed to Edmonton to wait for Bronwyn's birth we knew we were having a girl. We did not know however just what a lovely little girl she would be. We didn't know if she would live to have surgery or live through the surgery. We did know that we desired to have her as part of are family.

I felt a great deal more uncertainty as I headed north last time. This time I have less anxiety but I do feel that we have more to loose. There really is not a good time to loose a baby. We are anxious and desirous that all go well and that we can bring our baby home safe and sound in a couple weeks time.

I am, however unsure the above statement sounds, completely confident that God has us in his grasp. He has given us a wonderful few months and Bronwyn has done so very well so far. I truly believe that he will hold us all safe through this next phase.

I ask that if you pray please pray for us as we face this next challenge. (You could also pray for Gavin as he has reach the end of his mother's patience this evening!)

I will do my best to keep you all posted.

Spaghetti and more

The picture of Gavin was taken the other night at the end of dinner. After he had enough to eat he discovered the other use for spaghetti - skin care.

I love this picture of Bronwyn in her sooo cute tights - she looks like she is kick boxing. After all Wes does love to watch ultimate fighter.

We are having a bit of drama today. Gavin had his flu shot yesterday and now today he seems to have the flu. He is throwing up. I don't know if this is a side effect of the flu shot or if he just happened to catch something around the same time. He is miserable and I am trying to keep little Missy away from the action. I have been washing everything he throws up on with bleach (including him - bad mommy eh?) and I have been dousing everyone with that antibacterial stuff. I am so worried that Bronwyn may catch something. I am more worried than normal because if she gets sick they may postpone her surgery!

We will just take it as it comes though. There is nothing to be gained by worrying about it. If she gets sick well - we will just deal with it. But for now I am praying that she doesn't.

She is such a grabber these days - she tries to grab everything. I have to be careful if I am holding her at the table because she'll pull my plate right of the table if I'm not cautious.

Gotta run - little guy is calling.

Surgery date

We have a surgery date. January 22nd. This surgery is called the Glenn. It is another open heart surgery but is slightly less complicated than the last surgery. They are going to attach her superior vena cava to the pulmonary artery so that the blue blood will flow passively to the lungs before being directed to the heart. This will alleviate some strain from her heart. It should also cause her oxygen saturations to be more stable.

While we are nervous about having her go through another rather large ordeal we are also very excited to get this next step over. I personally have nothing of the fear that I had before she was born. Our familiarity with the hospital, the system and our daughter's nature have made me far more confident moving into this next phase.

We do ask, however, that those of you who do pray, please pray for Bronwyn and the rest of the family. We have enjoyed our daughter so much and we want to continue on as family.

I can't help myself

OK I am going to tell a story that isn't mine to tell but I just can't help myself. My mom and I have been laughing for days over a story my sister-in-law told us about her son - Robbie. Robbie is about 3 and a half and recently he was at a birthday party for the daughter of one of Cindy's friends. This little one year old - Sydney is just learning to walk. She staggered over to Robbie and started to grab him to steady herself. He pushed her away. When his Mom exclaimed "Robbie!" He responded, "She started it."

Isn't that the funniest thing! It has amused me almost as much as that clip of Joe Namath trying to kiss the lady interviewing him. Ha - that was a few years ago. Both Mom and I agree that my Grandma Bailey would have loved that - she would have fallen over laughing. For those of you who never knew my Grandma I am not exaggerating when I say she would fall over laughing!

Of course

I don't have much time, the kids will be up and around any minute. My lovely little family loves to sleep in! Yeah for Mommy!

So I quickly have to tell how my son frequently says "Of course." He uses it like yes. Do you want some breakfast - of course. Do you want to watch pooh - of course. Did you wake up your sister - of course. It is so funny to me because I don't think we say "of course" all that much. I can't really even pinpoint why it is such a major part of his current vocabulary. With other words such as "not" I completely understand where he gets it. He uses "not" as a more firm and definite "no." If I try to take something away from him he yells - no no no - NOT. I think this is because I say no A LOT (you would too if you had a two year old), but I only pull out the not word when I am really serious. So phrases like - you will not stand on the back of the chair, you will not feed your sister, you do not hit mommy - are not common but they come out when necessary. So hears not - its the of course business that I can't figure out.

Got to run - he's up - OF COURSE!