Why I believe

The other day I was thinking about my Faith and how important it has been to me over the last few months. I started to wonder - Why do I believe? My mind instantly races to all the evidences that I see of God's hand in my daughters life as well as my own. I look back over my life and see so many instances that are proof to me of God. But you know this isn't why I believe. This is just evidence of my belief.

So why do I believe in God? Many years ago I heard a quote attributed to Albert Einstein(I can't verify this quote - sorry). A reporter asked him if he believed in God. His answer was yes. The reported then asked why. The genius responded "Because the alternative is unthinkable."

That answer really spoke to me. I don't want to think that I believe in God because its the scenario that I like the best - but really when I think of it a life without God is, for me, unthinkable.

I never knew a time when I didn't believe in God. He has always been a major part of my life. I was raised not only going to church but believing that God was a part of my every waking minute. My parents have given us great gifts and help over the years - but the thing for which I will always be most thankful is the clear and careful path toward God that they marked in our childhood.

So why do I believe? Well I always have I guess. But I feel I am a stronger better person because I serve a God with purpose.

I have to brag

Here is a picture of the dump truck that Wes made for Gavin. He still needs to varnish it but other than that it is done. Didn't he do a great job.

What a talented husband eh?

Christmas miracles

So it is officially Christmas day. I am awake and I can't sleep. To busy thinking! Actually thought I'd wake up for that blasted Santa person - who prowls around in the middle of the night.

I have been thinking a lot of what an amazing Christmas this has been for our family. We are celebrating Christmas as a family of four - something we were not sure was going to happen. We are daily thankful that we have our daughter - it is just some how more magnified at a holiday/family time like this. We are nearing her second surgery another milestone we weren't sure would come. By the way we don't know yet when our surgery date is but it will be roughly end of January.

We are of course beyond thrilled for Quinn and family. We haven't seen an update in over 24 hours but we continue to pray that he does well and starts to navigate his way through all the recovery hoops that come up. We ask that you please keep them in your minds and hearts and pray for them as this is a very critical time for Quinn. These little fragile babies of ours have done more in their short lives than most of us will be called to do.

On the lighter side. Here are some of the miracles that have occurred in our house this Christmas:

1. We have a Christmas tree. This miracle is courtesy of Home Depot. Wes called Saturday (yes two days before Christmas) and asked if I wanted a tree because Home Depot was giving them away. My initial response was - No it is two days before Christmas - why bother! But my husband, whom I suspect of being more sentimental about Christmas than I am, pushed back - so I said yes - who can argue with free!

2. We got to bed before midnight. Well at least I did. This miracle was primarily caused by the fact that I required much less of myself this year. I lowered the bar substantially and I still managed to forget a couple important things - but just a couple. We tossed the kids in bed and wrapped the last of the gifts. Wes was working on his gift for Gavin - he has been making him a truck - it is done - just not varnished - another miracle.

3. I took my kid for a visit with Santa. You may or may not know that I am very ambivalent about Santa - I haven't figured out if we are going to do Santa or not. So to see me running down the street with Gavin in my arms, under-dressed, in the cold, to see Santa who was going around Langdon with the Fire Truck - was a miracle. Gavin loves fire trucks so it was way cool for him.

I guess I should be getting back to be so we can enjoy our Christmas morning soon. I need to go push my way back into bed. Apparently getting to sleep in a bed that isn't littered with children is too much to ask for this year - maybe next, or the next...

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Hold your loved ones close everyday. One thing we have learned from our daughter is that every moment is precious - Christmas or not.

PS - I just realized looking at the photos I posted that my son is in pajamas for all of them. Just in case you think this is just a matter of timing, it isn't. The hardest part of my day is getting Gavin out of his pajamas. He LOVES pajamas. There are days I just won't fight it. So as a result all the photos I have of him lately are pajama shots!

Great news

I am just so thrilled right now. I just got a call from Kim, Quinn's mom, they are getting a heart today! I am just crying while I write this.

I don't have any more details, but I wanted to share this great peice of news.

I also want to ask everyone who can to pray that the transplant surgery goes well and that Quinn manages this as well as he has all his other challenges.

I very firmly believe that God has this family in his hands and that he will look after them!

What great great great news!

2006 Christmas Card

All right - I decided that I would liberate myself from Christmas cards this year. I gave up local cards years ago but I still to this day hand write greetings to family and friends who don't live near by. I enjoy it, to be honest, and I will resume the ritual again another year. But this year I just don't have it in me.

So here is my plan. This post is my Christmas card. But to make it interesting I'd like for everyone who is still following our blog to post a Merry Christmas back to us. We would love to hear from all of you even those of you who are shy. I do recognize some of you are unable to comment because of technical issues, but if you can send us a note and add where you are living.

So from our house to yours we wish you a very merry Christmas and we wish rich blessings in the new year.

A request

I am dropping a quick note to ask that you all pray for Quinn and his family. Just in case you have lost track of time (which is so easy to do). It has been 4 months since he was born and they are still waiting for a heart.

Any of you who read this blog who pray - please pray now. For Quinn's stability while he waits and for his family as they sit by and wait with him.

Quinn's parents are encouraged by all the prayers and I know they appreciate everyone who thinks of them.

Funny story

Last night Wes and Gavin had to get a flu shot. We all have to get them this year because of Bronwyn. I had mine earlier so the boys went last night. We all went together. I was worried that Gavin would cry and be upset so I picked up some little horses at the dollar store and had them ready while the nurse was giving him the needle.

Wes was holding him, he got the needle and he didn't even flinch. I gave him the horses thinking he'd have a delayed reaction. He turned to the horse and said with excitment "Horsie, horsie!" The nurse was floored she couldn't believe his total lack of reaction.

What totally killed me was as we were leaving the clinic Gavin said "Thats fun." I asked him - "Did you say that was fun?" He replied, "ah,huh" (that's yes in Gavin speak). Wes and I just laughed so hard at that.

It is never straight forward

I got the results from Bronwyn's MRI today. It was a bag of real mixed blessings. I try hard not to see any test she has as a simple yes or no answer because if I do I am caught off guard by the "buts." Does she have a blood clot? No, but... She has a narrowing in her shunt and a slight narrowing in the aorta (the aorta created during the first surgery by grafting vein material onto the pulmonary vein). What does this mean? Well to be frank this is the biggy that we have been worrying about since we brought her home. If either of these areas collapses or gets blocked she will go into cardiac arrest. This is serious but we are on the verge of the second surgery and they will be discussing what to do and in what order.

There is a fair bit of good news. First, the treatment that she has been receiving for the blood clot is in fact the same medicine used to treat a narrowing of the shunt. So we have been treated this unknown problem for over a month (I see God's hand in this). Secondly, it isn't too severe of a narrowing or they would have her hospitalized right away. Finally, she is not showing any symptoms of heart failure so the narrowing hasn't affected her functioning yet.

What's the next step? - well that is the question! Next Tuesday they will meet via phone with the surgical team in Edmonton and discuss time lines and procedures. So I will know more mid next week.

The only other result from the MRI that I confess I don't know enough about and need to discuss more with the Cardiologist is that the area that they thought was a clot is a muscle mass and they think there may be an aneurysm underneath it. So I need to find out what this means and what they plan to do about that.

So you see - it is never as simple as "No, it is not a blood clot."

It is still very hard for me sometimes when I look at my lovely little girl to believe that she has so many issues deep down in her little heart!

Seriously

Bronwyn's MRI went well - she was put under general anesthetic. She recovered well. Her oxygen saturations were a bit low - a bit scary for me. But I think it was just from all the strain of the ordeal. Her sats have been just fine today. She is right as rain today and I hope that they will have their results mid next week. There are two outcomes of this MRI. #1 - to ascertain if she does have a blood clot in her heart or not and #2 - to decide if she is ready for the next surgery. For those of you who like to research these things the second surgery she will have is called the Glenn's.

As you likely read the rest of the family (the male population) has been sick - but they are on the mend. Now if I could only get Gavin to go to bed!

I'm not sympathetic

For those of you don't know me too well this may come as a surprise. I am not a sympathetic person. I come from a long line of women who lack that virtue (sorry to rat you out Mom). Why have I brought it up? Well we have been sick in this house and by we I mean Wes and Gavin. This is how the last week and a half went.

Wed - Wes says he has a sore throat I say - well go to bed you need more sleep or you'll get sick and we don't want that.

Thur - Wes stays home from work because he is very sick. I am sympathetic but feel if he got more sleep he wouldn't be sick.

Fri - Wes is still sick but ventures to work. He goes to bed early and I figure that should fix him.

Sat - Wes is still sick - I am now getting tired of this! I drag Wes and family out to the mall to do some Christmas shopping - just what every sick person wants. After fun family time Wes has a long nap to recuperate.

Sun - He starts coughing. OK - all my sympathy and concern has dried up. He coughs all night - I get crankier and crankier and finally ask him if he has any control over how much he coughs. He claims he doesn't.

Monday - Still coughing - For the love of peter stop it! I am getting progressively crankier and more tired.

Tues - Well great - now Gavin is sick! I have a great deal of sympathy for my poor boy except he feels so yucky he wants to sleep with us. Will I ever sleep again?

Wed - Bronwyn is very fussy - it is 1 am and I am still trying to get her settled. Wes' coughing wakes her up! I have a temper tantrum - Wes feels bad about the coughing and goes and sleeps in Gavin's bed (since he's in our bed anyhow). Gavin cries because Daddy has left the room.

Thurs - Now Gavin is coughing all night. We have to give him some Tylenol in his milk as he won't let us give it to him. Neither of my children take medicine easily. I have been so anxious that Bronwyn not get sick before her MRI as they will delay it if she has a cold.

Fri - I am past the point of caring anymore. I am exhausted and they are both still sick. Bronwyn has her MRI. They put her under - she does very well.

Sat - Wes is finally feeling better - perhaps there is an end in sight after all. When will this child go to bed.

So you see - no sympathy at all - my poor enduring husband!

Winter fun

We were at my folks house yesterday afternoon. Jon and Cindy and the twins were there too. Grandpa and Grandma had them all outside for some fun on the sled - I took Bronwyn out for a photo op. (just in case you might worry that I'd let her ride with those hooligans!).

We are having a total down day today. Gavin had a rough weekend going here and going there - so I told him he could do whatever he wants today. So he is sitting on his pooh couch watching the Hefelump movie in his diaper! How could life get any better eh?

We had a visit from Melanie and Cadence, the girls enjoyed their visit. They smiled and laughed together and had a couple good cries together - isn't that what best friends are for??

Bronwyn has her MRI at the end of this week, so we will hopefully have some news after that.